


What Makes a Monster and What Makes a Man

by aroace2019



Category: Gravity Falls, Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aromantic Peridot (Steven Universe), Asexual Peridot (Steven Universe), Dipper Pines Has Panic Attacks, Dipper for Therapy 2020, I swear there is fluff too, Mabel has a bunch of worm on a strings and Dipper likes to use them for fidgeting, PTSD Dipper Pines, Panic Attacks, Post-Gravity Falls, Post-Steven Universe Future, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steven Universe Has PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Steven works at the mystery shack, This is making the story sound really serious, Trans Boy Dipper Pines, Trans Dipper Pines, and the manotaurs respect him because trans men are real men, i just realized i never tagged the angst, no beta we die like jasper did, summer job AU, the title came from the musical version of the hunchback of notre dame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 33,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24051793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroace2019/pseuds/aroace2019
Summary: Dipper is excited to be back in Gravity Falls, and hopes to uncover some of the town’s tamer, less apocalyptic secrets.  Mabel wants to enjoy the summer in her favourite town with her favourite twin and her favourite people.  Soos wants to know how this kid manages to come up with such wild ideas for new exhibits.  Ford wants to be prepared for the next apocalypse.  Stan wants to help a kid, the way he wishes someone had helped him.  Steven just wants to know why he can’t leave.Or Steven winds up trapped in Gravity Falls and hijinks ensue.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines, Dipper Pines & Steven Universe, Dipper Pines & Therapy, Ford Pines & Steven Universe, Stan Pines & Steven Universe, Steven Universe & Therapy
Comments: 1187
Kudos: 1837





	1. Just a Little Time

In Dipper’s defense, it wasn’t meant to turn out this way. He had just been curious about the latest anomaly in Gravity Falls. Now there was a raging pink worm making its way out of the woods.

~o~

Both sets of Pines twins had been back in town for a week when he showed up. A teenage boy in a Dondai, asking if anyone had noticed anything suspicious going on. He was quickly pointed in the direction of the Mystery Shack. He looked around for a bit, then got back in the Dondai and drove away.

Dipper had thought that was it. That another conspiracy theorist had heard about the town, seen that the Shack was a hoax, and left.

Then the boy came back again.

And again.

He was polite, and seemed familiar, though Dipper couldn’t place why. Maybe because he had come to the Mystery Shack three times. But Dipper still felt like he was missing something. Something obvious, that tickled the back of his skull. When he brought it up to Mabel, she immediately decided to resolve it in a Mabel fashion.

Going up and confronting asking him.

Dipper tried to get her to stop, but she ignored him. She walked straight up to the other boy and started talking. Then she pointed towards Dipper. Dipper looked away from them, blushing at having been caught staring, but he could still feel Mabel and the boy looking at him. Why were they looking at him? Someone was coming towards him. Was it Mabel? No, the footsteps sounded different. Which meant it had to be the boy. Dipper tensed.

“Hey, so are you the one who does research into the strange things about this town? The unexplainable? The say, oh I dunno, magic barriers?”

Bill had been interested in breaking the barrier. What if this stranger was working with him? Or being tricked? Or possessed? His shirt had a yellow star on it. A star was basically a bunch of triangles stuck together. Never mind all that. They had barely defeated Bill the last time. Never mind all that. And Grunkle Stan had lost his memories. Never mind all that. And everyone had gotten hurt. Never mind all that. And Mabel had been hurt. And what if Bill’s defeat was all a dream? What if it was a lie? What if Bill was floating around somewhere, laughing at him? Manipulating him? Controlling him? Hurting Mabel?

Someone was talking to him. They were saying something. Dipper tried to focus on the words.

“Out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. In, 2, 3, 4. Hold, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.”

Dipper tried to breathe with the count. He hadn’t even noticed that he had started hyperventilating.

“Listen, if you don’t want to talk about it, I understand. Or if you can’t. It’s okay.” It was the stranger. As he talked, he waved Mabel over. She sat down next to him and pulled out one of her worm on a strings. Dipper took it and wound it around his fingers. Focused on the repetitive motion, the feeling of the fuzz. Bill wasn’t here. Everything was fine.

Grunkle Stan came into the Shack and saw the three of them sitting on the floor. “Listen, kid, if you’re causing problems, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Now.”

Shit. Did Dipper really look bad enough that Grunkle Stan was going to kick a potential source of money out of the shack?

The older boy nodded and stood up. As he started to walk away, he turned and glanced back at Grunkle Stan. “Do you know any good parking lots in the area.”

Silence.

“Like it doesn’t have to be fantastic or anything, it’s just hard to sleep if the lights are to bright. You know?”

Dipper stared at the boy. Had he been living out of his car? That didn’t seem safe. And neither were any of the parking lots. Not in this town. Not when there was, who-knows-what lurking in the woods after Bill took over. 

Grunkle Stan spoke up. “There aren’t any great parking lots, but I think there is a cheap motel across town.”

The boys face fell slightly, but it was quickly covered by a wide smile. “That’s okay. Thanks anyways. And sorry for freaking you out kid. I’ll… I’ll just… go now.”

“What’s your name?” Dipper called after him. “And how did you know how to help?”

The stranger looked at him curiously. “Steven Universe. And that trick usually helps me when I’m having a panic attack. It has a sort of flow you can follow. Like music.”

A panic attack. Was that what Dipper had been getting? Sure, he had difficulty breathing sometimes. He always assumed it was his binder. Or would have trouble thinking. But everyone felt confused sometimes. Or when he felt like he was being crushed by the weight of what had happened. Like at any moment he would open his eyes and be back in hell, but that would be easier because then he would have something to focus on and he would know it had actually happened and he wasn’t exaggerating because if it really was that bad then he would probably have mental scars and- 

Oh.

Maybe Steven had a point.

“I… do you think you could explain how it works. The breathing thing I mean. Not a panic attack. Or music. Just, yeah. Breathing. Not how to breathe but the counting thing?”

“Okay, so you breathe in for 4 seconds, right. Then you hold it for 7, breathe out for 8. And keep doing that until you have control again. But if that doesn’t work, there are some other ones. You can find a bunch of good tricks online.”

Steven nodded to Grunkle Stan and turned to leave again. This time it was Mabel who spoke up. “Why are you looking for a parking lot?”

Dipper elbowed her. If Steven couldn’t afford otherwise, it wasn’t nice to point it out.

But rather then get upset, Steven laughed. “Most places ask for ID. Things get awkward and I usually end up having to lay low or leave town to avoid issues. Is that oversharing? That might be oversharing. Okay. I’m just going to go now.” He pointed towards the door.

“Oh no you don’t.” It was Grunkle Stan. There was a look in his eyes. A mix of understanding and pity. “You’re staying here tonight. As long as you aren’t a cop or crazy murderer, you’re welcome to stay as long as you need.”

Something flashed through Steven’s eyes. “It really is okay. I’ll be fine. It’s just been me and the Dondai for a while now. Plus, it’s not my first time living out of a car. Although it was a van before. And with my dad. And I was a lot smaller. But seriously, I’ll be-”

“That’s it. You’re staying. Room and board will be taken out of your pay cheque. I’m sure Soos won’t mind. Welcome to the Mystery Shack.”


	2. Just a Little Something Else Instead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Detective Dipper makes an appearance. Steven is a master of being Subtle(TM).

The Shack had plenty of rooms filled with old exhibits. Dipper and Mabel were sent to clear one of them out while Stan introduced Steven to Soos.

“Do you think any of these exhibits are secretly alive,” Mabel asked, prodding a small shoebox with her foot.

“I don’t see any statues, so we should be fine.” The wax statues were all gone. Except for that one head that lived in the vents. Was it still there? Even if it was, it was probably fine. That head was barely homicidal. Hopefully.

By the time Stan brought Steven to the room it was almost entirely empty. Steven smiled and thanked the twins.

Grunkle Stan looked around the room and nodded. “I would say that supper will be ready soon, but Ford wanted to try cooking now that we have a kitchen again, so there is a high chance there will be a fire. Who wants to check?”

“ME!” Mabel cried nearly knocking Steven over in her mad dash towards the kitchen.

Stan groaned. “Now there’ll definitely be a fire. Dipper can you give Steven a tour, I’m gonna to go order a pizza. Hey kid, any allergies?”

“What’s an allergy?”

The fire alarm went off.

“Oh geez. I’ll just throw in a cheese with our regular. Dipper, you still like the same kind? Great okay, good luck with the tour.” Grunkle Stan set off towards the kitchen. “Ford how the hell did you manage to start a fire making-”

And then Dipper was alone. With Steven. Who, up till now, had been living out of a car. And did not know what allergies were. What kind of cryptid life had this guy lead?

“Allergies. Wait, is that one of those school things? Connie never mentioned it, and it wasn’t something that the gems learned at Little Homeschool.” Steven paused and glanced at Dipper. “Wait, did I say gems?”

Dipper nodded. Maybe the school mascot was a gem? There was nothing to worry about.

“Of course, I said gems. The students are gems. Wait no. They aren’t gems. Definitely not. I don’t know why I would say that. I… can we just ignore that. What’s an allergy?”

Or maybe there was. Had the Journals ever mentioned gems? Dipper could not recall; he would have to ask Great Uncle Ford later. But until then, Dipper could not let Steven know he was onto him. Which meant explaining allergies.

“It’s like when your body treats something like a virus, even though it isn’t. The reaction can be mild, but it can also be deadly. Your immune system goes nuts. Which is a common allergy by the way. So is uhh, seafood, pollen, me and Mabel are allergic to grass…”

“Wait so eating those things can make you die? I knew it! Bluebird was trying to kill me!” Steven covered his mouth and looked at Dipper. He laughed awkwardly. “Bluebird was a ge-joker who liked to play pranks. She once fed me a plate of grass, clams, and peanut butter. Can you give me a moment?” 

Steven then pulled out his phone and started typing. “Need to set a reminder so I can bring that up at my next therapy appointment.”

Dipper nodded, and took Steven on a tour of the house, but he could not focus, and his mind was racing. If Steven could afford therapy, why was he living out of a van? Upon discovering what allergies, he realized that an attempt had been made on his life. He had not been surprised by the idea that someone wanted him dead. He seemed to take it as some sort of validation. What was up with this kid?

The pizza arrived and everyone gathered in the living room. Ford and Mabel were still covered in soot. Dipper made a note to make sure that they were not left alone in the kitchen. He liked the Mystery Shack standing. He would prefer not reliving when Gideon had taken over. Plus, then Steven would be back in his car and Dipper would never get answers. That thought had Dipper glancing towards the older teen, who was eyeing the boxes warily. “Does Oregon do pizza the Keystone way or the Delmarva way?”

“Not sure what the difference is, pizza is pizza dude,” Soos said opening and holding a box towards the newcomer.

Steven breathed a sigh of relief. “It isn’t square.”

And with that strange remark, everyone started to eat.

After dinner, Stan asked if anyone wanted to help him with an arts and crafts project. Mabel agreed immediately, and volunteered Dipper to join. Which meant Dipper was there for the strange experience that was trying to make Steven a piece of ID.

“Okay do you have a license that you don’t want to use or are we starting from scratch?”

“A license… am I supposed to have one of those?”

“From scratch it is. What name do you want on the card?”

“Should it match the one on the medical form that Dr. Maheswaren filled out for me?”

“If you want it to.”

Which lead to the discovery that Steven’s full name was Steven Quartz Cutie Pie DeMayo Diamond Universe. And that he did not have a social security number, or any sort of identification at all. It was as if he had fallen from the sky. Steven had been strange enough before. Now he was definitely going on Dipper’s watch list.

After he and Mabel went up to the attic, Dipper pulled out his notebook. It was nothing compared to the Journals, but it was a start. Filled with what he could remember about Gravity Falls, as well as notes from various conspiracy pages and blogs he followed, the notebook housed his research about the bizarre. He flipped to a fresh page and wrote ‘Steven Universe’ at the top.

The first step on Dipper’s to do list was figure out why Steven had been interested in the barrier surrounding Gravity Falls. The first approach involved following Steven as he went about his first day of work. At which Steven unnaturally excelled. 

Wendy was still on the register; Steven went around the Shack engaging people when Soos was busy on a Mr. Mystery tour. He helped a lost kid find their family. He managed to convince two people that hated each other to become good friends. When one customer kept pointing out why different exhibits had to be fake, Steven wound complicated stories about their origins on the spot. Including one where a race of shapeshifters had been trying to conquer the Earth, and their eventual defeat. Steven brought the Mystery Shack to life, frequently with a song to prove his point. 

There was something supernatural about Steven Universe, and Detective Dipper was on the case. It was time to do espionage work.

“So why did you ask me about the magic barriers in this town?”

“What?”

“How did you know about them?”

“I thought everyone did? That it was just an invisible bubble that traps everyone inside. You can get in, but you can’t get out. Is that not what it is?” 

What was it Great Uncle Ford had said? When interrogating someone without them knowing, provide vague details and let them fill in the blanks? That seemed like something he would suggest. “Not exactly. It only traps the strange, the unusual. Gravity Falls is a hot spot for that kind of stuff. Is that not why you’re here?”

“Not really. I was just passing through, but every time I try to leave, it’s like some invisible force stops my car. Hold on, are you wearing a Ducktective hat? Good show, though I was more interested in things like Lonely Blade and Dogcopter myself. Then I got really into The Unfamiliar Familiar book series after I was banned from television for a thousand years.”

Dipper could not keep himself from staring.

“Oh, don’t worry the ban got lifted. But it kickstarted my love of books which in turn-”

The noise of something breaking interrupted Steven. Another kid must have knocked something over.

“I should go fix that. Talk later okay.”

Dipper’s head was spinning. He scribbled furiously in his notebook, then went to see which exhibit had been broken. Maybe he could figure out more if he helped clean up. Something was up with Steven Universe. And Dipper was going to get to the bottom of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap. The response to this has been incredible. What the hell. I didn’t actually expect anyone to read this. This is seriously insane. I'm happy to hear that you guys are enjoying this, and I have some ideas I’m really looking forward to exploring, so stay tuned.


	3. Just a Little Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper uses some Very Reliable sources to learn about gems. This Entirely Accurate information does not lead to any issues.

It took some time to track him down, but Dipper eventually found Ford on the roof doing something with lasers. Since his return to Gravity Falls, he had been working on increasing security measures around the Shack. Although Bill was currently out of commission, there was a fear that he would return to cause havoc once more. 

“Great Uncle Ford what’s a gem?”

Ford pressed a button and a red laser shot into the sky. “Why do you ask Dipper? Has Mabel gotten into the rhinestones again?”

“No, but Steven mentioned something about gems attending school and I was wondering if you knew anything?”

“Steven. As in Steven Universe. As in the kid Stan has decided to take off the street. Knows about gems?”

It sounded like gems were bad news after all. Could they be evil? Like Bill? Was Bill a gem? Maybe Steven was one of Bill’s allies. But Steven seemed nice. He wouldn’t serve an agent of chaos. Would he? Why else would he only ever wear flip flops? 

There was a ringing that was getting louder Louder LOUDER. Dipper was kneeling on the ground. When had that happened? His binder was shrinking, squeezing, squeezing until he could no longer breathe. His hand fumbled, but he managed to reach into his pocket. Mabel had placed a worm on a string in there earlier and Dipper needed the distraction. He ran the creature between his fingers. There had been a thing, something about breathing? And counting? What was it? He could not recall the pattern. Then an idea came to mind.

Dipper stopped inhaling. He held his breath for as long as he could. When he started again, his breaths were more controlled.

And he could hear talking. A voice, that was still too loud, but quieter than before.

“Dipper it’s okay. There are no gems to worry about in Gravity Falls. And even if there were, gems don’t seem to bother getting involved in human affairs. When I graduated and was looking for a place to study anomalies, one of the possibilities was a town in Delmarva called Beach City. When I went to check in out, I found an old temple, and four mostly humanoid creatures that referred to themselves as the Crystal Gems. They told me to leave and not come back, insistent that humans should stay off their end of the beach. Practically pushed me into my car, then walked away, discussing installing a fence. They just wanted to be left alone. Nothing to worry about. I’m pretty sure Steven said he was from Delmarva. He probably had a similar run in.”

Dipper thanked Ford had made his way to the attic. He sat down on his bed. He could end his search now. Close the case on that branch of weirdness and moved on to the strangeness of Gravity Falls. But the way Steven had mentioned gems did not make it seem like he had experienced a simple encounter. Which meant there was more to learn.

Googling gems just gave search results about different types of stones and where you could purchase them. Googling Beach City gave a list of various coastal cities around the world. Googling gems Beach City pulled up a blog called Keep Beach City Weird. Dipper had seen mentions of it in various platforms he was on but had never checked it out himself. He pulled it up and started reading. 

At first it just seemed to be someone trying to find something to interesting about a normal town. Nothing about gems. Dipper was about to close the page when a photo of a younger Steven came up. All of his fingers were cats, perhaps he had been into puppetry. In fact, several of the posts turned out to be about Steven. And those that did not involve Steven still painted an interesting picture. Beach City was definitely weird. While the majority of the provided explanations seemed ludicrous, Dipper had seen stranger things the previous summer. If manotaurs and unicorns were real, why not giant floating eyeballs or hands. The blog claimed that Steven had also been involved in the resolution of some of the threats to the town. 

It turned out that Delmarva had a different dollar bill from the rest of America. Instead of an illuminati triangle, which was definitely not related to Bill, absolutely not, there was a diamond.

Eventually, the blog started to delve into the existence of polymorphic sentient rock people. And how to defend yourself against the dangerous rock people. Steven continued to be referenced. Repeatedly. After reading a post about how two flying hands appeared in the sky and one rose from within the Earth’s crust, Dipper turned off his phone.

Great Uncle Ford had said the gems did not bother with the lives of humans, but Steven was clearly involved with them. And the blog had mentioned that gems could shapeshift. Steven could be a gem. But what would a gem be doing in Gravity Falls? Was it connected to their plan to hollow out the Earth and use it for nefarious purposes? Was Steven connected to the Great Diamond Authority?

Dipper rushed through the Shack, he had to tell Ford about his findings. He ran through the gift shop, where he passed Mabel. Who was having a conversation. With Steven. But Steven could not be trusted. Mabel was in danger. He had to warn her.

“Mabel! I need to talk to you, right now! In private!”

“Aw man, can it wait, Steven is really fun to talk to.”

“Hey Dipper. It’s fine Mabel, we can talk later okay. Communication with your family is important.” Steven turned back to the snow globes he was stacking on a shelf.

That was all the invitation Dipper needed to pull Mabel into a corner. She needed to know about the risk Steven posed.

“Come on Dipper, Steven was telling me something really cool about his li-”

“Mabel you need to stay away from him.”

“What? Dipper why can’t I hang out with him? He’s really nice.”

“Wait. Oh no. No no no no no. Mabel are you in love with him? You can’t fall in love with him.” Dipper grasped at her shoulders desperately.

Mabel pulled away. “In love with – Dipper come on! You think that just because I enjoy talking to him that I’ve fallen in love?”

“But... last summer… you always…”

“Dipper, real love takes effort. That’s what I was talking to Steven about. I told him that sometimes I felt like no one would ever like me and he talked about how he once proposed to someone he loved because he was afraid of losing her.”

Was Steven not seventeen? That’s what he had told Grunkle Stan to put on the ID. What was he doing proposing to someone?

“Then he talked about how you need to put effort into a relationship and be an independent person first. Plus, he has a girlfriend. Her name is Connie. Before you interrupted, he was telling me about how it felt to be Stevonnie with her. Isn’t that cute, they gave themselves a ship name.”

This was bad. Mabel was connecting with Steven. Could she not tell that he was dangerous?

“Mabel, you don’t understand. Steven’s a monster.”

Across the room, Steven dropped the globe he had been about to place on the shelf. The glass broke against the floor. Steven looked at the pieces for a moment.

“You get breaks when you have a job, right? I’m going to take one of those breaks now.”

And with that, Steven walked out of the Mystery Shack. This was bad. This was very bad. He knew Dipper was on to him. He was probably going to enact the next step in his plan. Dipper had to stop him.

“Dipper you can’t just call someone a monster. Go apologize right now.”

Dipper set off towards the door. Mabel had missed the point. Steven was a gem. And now gems were interested in Gravity Falls. What if they had heard about the events of the previous summer and wanted to investigate? What if they wanted to free Bill? Would Dipper be able to stop them?

Steven was walking into the woods. That was where Bill was. Bill had to stay imprisoned. Steven was dangerous. It would be unsafe to go alone. But Mabel wanted him to apologize for telling the truth and it would take too long to find someone else to come with him. Which meant Dipper would have to go alone and make sure nothing happened.

Dipper took a deep breath and set off after Steven Universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was dreading having to write this chapter because I did not want to have to watch any Ronaldo episodes in order to figure out what was on his blog. Then I found https://keepbeachcityweird.tumblr.com/ which helped solve the issue.
> 
> You guys are insane. It makes me really happy to know that there are people enjoying this. You are amazing and I want you all to know that you rock.


	4. Just a Little Something Up Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper follows Steven. There is no way this could go badly for anyone.

How was Steven so fast? He was wearing flip flops in a forest. And yet, despite Dipper’s best efforts, he was managing to get further away. Where could he be heading? The only thing in that direction was the canyon wall. Unless there was something that Dipper did not know about. What if it was a gem hideout? If gems wanted to hollow out the Earth, they would need more than one location. And it would be just his luck if one turned out to be in Gravity Falls. Bill had taken an interest in the town, why not a race of evil space rocks?

Dipper could no longer hear Steven’s flip flops. That was bad. Had he lost him? If Steven got away, he would be able to do anything. Maybe he was doubling back to Bills location. Never mind all that. Focus on finding Steven. Steven was the current danger. Bill was trapped. Unless he managed to escape. Or Steven helped him escape. Never mind all that. Find Steven, deal with Bill later. Which way could he have gone? Dipper’s eyes scanned the trees, searching wildly for any sign of the current threat.

Then he heard something. A voice, heavy and deep. As if talking required more energy than could be provided. Slightly distorted, as if spoken by something not fully human.

“Can you come out here?” A pause. “It should be fine. Apparently, it only affects anomalies.” 

It had to be Steven talking. But who was he talking to? Could he be talking with Bill. No, Bill qualified as an anomaly. Which meant it had to be someone else.

“As long as he doesn’t cross the town border, he should be able to take you home. Okay. Okay yeah, I’ll send you my location. See you soon.”

Steven appeared from behind a tree. Dipper crouched down, hoping Steven would not notice him. He could not afford to reveal himself before he knew what was going on. Steven was crying, and the sunlight coming through the trees make his skin glow. 

Steven’s eyes surveyed the trees for a moment. Dipper stayed still. He had to control his breathing. It was going to give him away. But Steven did not seem to notice, setting off once more towards the cliff. Dipper waited until Steven was farther away, then restarted his trailing.

Steven reached the wall and looked around. His eyes were wild, darting back and forth across the trees. Had he discovered Dipper? What if he saw the whites of his eyes? What if he could hear the breathing? He could not get caught. Dipper shut his eyes, held his breath, and counted to twenty-three. At that point, his worry of what was happening overran his fear of being found.

Dipper rushed to the base of the cliff, he had to search for clues about what Steven had done to escape. He had not heard anything, which meant that magic was probably involved. In order to follow him, Dipper needed a fast way up. Had the Journals mentioned anything about the cliffs? Floating eyeballs lived in a cave at the other side of town. Which Bill had used to freeze humans. Never mind all that. Mabel’s bubble had hung between the cliffs. Never mind all that. Do not be summon at all costs. Never. Mind. All. That.

Wait, there was a passage up the cliff. Not that far away, there was a colony of leprecorns that would teleport you up the cliff in exchange for a gold piece. But Dipper did not have any gold. Maybe they would be willing to negotiate.

They were not willing to negotiate. However, they were willing to give Dipper a single free passage up the cliff in exchange for his actions the previous summer.

When Dipper finally managed to catch up to Steven, he was right by the border of town. At the barrier. He had been interested in it before. What if he escaped? Kneeling so that Steven would not notice him, Dipper picked up a stick. He did not want to have to fight a creature of unknown power without a weapon.

But Steven merely checked his phone then looked up expectantly. Just outside the border, a glowing pink circle began to form. It swirled in a familiar pattern. It almost looked like the portal. The portal. Steven was creating a portal. Was that how he had gotten up the cliff? Could he use a portal to escape the barrier? Would that work? If it did, Steven would be able to leave Gravity Falls. 

But instead of Steven trying to go in the portal, something came out. A pink lion. Which, okay, Dipper had seen stranger creatures. The multi-bear was real, why not pink lions? A pink lion with someone on its back. Or something? Another monster? A gem? It appeared humanoid, but so did Steven. The newcomer leapt off the lion and looked made eye contact with Steven.

“Connie!” At the sound of Steven’s voice, the lion turned. It tried to move towards him, but the rider, Connie, stopped him.

“Sorry Lion. You can’t go in there, okay. I’ll help Steven, you just rest. Here.” Reaching into a bag, the newest threat pulled out a Lion Licker, gave it to the beast, then turned towards Steven. Wait, was that a sword attached to her back?

“Connie, I-” Steven reached towards the lion tamer, but the barrier fizzled and prevented him from making contact.

Then the newest huge-potential-risk-to-the-safety-of-the-planet stepped within the barrier limits and opened her arms. Steven practically collapsed into them.

“Okay Steven let’s sit down. Do you want to talk about it now or later?”

“Now, I guess? It… it was great, and I.. I thought I was doing okay fitting it b…b…but then one of the kids, Dipper he…” Steven broke into sobs.

“I’m here Steven. Whatever it is, I’m here. And the gems will support you no matter what. They wanted to come but figured I would be less likely to trigger the barrier.” Gems. Steven was involved with the gems. The gems wanted to be here. This was bad news.

“Connie, he called me a monster.”

Connie’s eyes flashed darkly, and Dipper was very grateful that he had knelt down where she could not see him.

“Steven yo-”

“It’s like all of this was for nothing. I go on this road trip to try and figure out who I am, and this kid, who has only known me for a few days, and he already can tell. I thought I did a decent job hiding it, I’ve covered the marks the entire time and everything, but in the end he could still tell. In the end, he knew. I’m still a monster.”

“Do you want me to explain how I see it?”

“I… I don’t… okay. Okay, yes.”

Connie wiped Steven’s tears and smiled at him. “Listen, you said this town was odd.” 

Steven nodded. His sobs were quieter now.

“Peridot mentioned that an Amethyst ship went down nearby. He probably saw a corrupted gem and made an inaccurate assumption. But he had no right to say that, and I can talk to him if you want.” Connie gestured towards the sword, and yep, Dipper was very happy he had stayed hidden. What did she mean by corrupted gems?

“Yeah, but it still feels like I should-”

“What you should do is pet Lion.”

“But he could get stuck by the barrier! And isn’t your lunch over soon?”

Connie pulled out another Lion Licker and handed it to Steven. “Just reach out to him as far as you can.”

Steven reached out towards the lion, and Connie picked up the sword. Steven stretched out his hand and the lion leaned his snout forwards. Although the barrier was there, Steven and the lion were just barely able to make contact. Steven smiled and pet the lion’s snout. When Dipper looked back at Connie, he found that she was a few feet away, looking directly at him.

“Listen. I’m going to assume that you’re Dipper. Do not call my boyfriend something like that ever again. He has been through more than you can understand. You probably have a good reason to be reluctant to trust him, but he really needs human relationships. Staying in one place longer than a few days will be good for him. So do not hurt him. Physically, mentally, or emotionally. Or I swear, whatever made you so freaked out will seem mild compared to what I do.” 

Dipper nodded. Looking into her eyes, he had no doubt she was telling the truth. Connie seemed like she would go across the galaxy for Steven. She was already willing to teleport with a pink lion on her lunch break to see him.

“I’m going to stay here with Steven. You should head back to the Mystery Shack.”

Dipper did as the intimidating woman with a sword suggested.

Only to realize that he had no way down the cliff. He knew it was pointless, but he checked his pockets for any gold he could use to pay the leprecorns. There was not. All he had was the worm on a string from earlier. Winding it through his fingers, Dipper started the long journey to the bridge. He could climb down there.

When he managed to get back to the Shack, Mabel was waiting.

“Did you apologize.”

What was Dipper supposed to say to that? That Steven had access to a pink lion, portal capabilities, and he was almost certain his life had just been threatened? Mabel would not understand. She had already misunderstood when he tried to warn her about Steven.

“I… couldn’t find him. Lost him in the woods.”

Mabel did not look happy, but she did not try to keep him from going up to the attic. Once there, Dipper pulled out his notebook. Steven was involved with the gems. Gems that had wanted to come with Connie. From what he had seen, the safety of Gravity Falls depended on him solving the mystery of Steven Universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would apologize about how I ended the last chapter, except I’m not actually sorry.
> 
> I have been loving reading everyone’s comments. Every single one of you lovely readers are appreciated. I love all of you.
> 
> See you next chapter for the Return of Detective Dipper.


	5. I’m Dreaming of Being

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keep Beach City Weird cannot be the only source of information on gems available.

Dipper was unsure what time Steven returned to the Mystery Shack, but he was there for dinner. Soos had insisted on taking kitchen duty, he had discovered a passion when he worked at Greasy’s Diner the previous summer. The food looked good but tasted like ash in Dipper’s mouth. He mostly pushed it around his plate and snuck glances at Steven.

He did not seem threatening. That was what made him dangerous. He could lure people in, and they would not notice until it was too late. Which meant that Dipper needed proof that Steven was in league with gems. If he had proof, then he could have help facing the gems.

Dipper got stuck on dish duty. He took his anger out on the plates he was scrubbing. He had run away. When he had an actual chance to learn about Steven, he ran away. He was weak. Steven had a warrior with a sword at his command. And gems who wanted to help him on his journey. And a pink lion. And teleporting capabilities. Dipper did not know plates could be so spotless.

“Do you need any help.” It was Steven. There was no one else in the kitchen. He was alone with Steven. Who was powerful and upset with Dipper, if Connie was anything to go by. Dipper did not want to be alone with Steven. Why was Steven not leaving him alone?

“No.” Dipper shook the plate he was rinsing a little too strongly and it hit the side of the sink. And broke. And cut his finger. “Ow!”

“Here I can help.” Steven stepped forward. Dipper took a step back. “I spent some time working as a medical professional.”

There was no way that a seventeen-year-old could be a medical professional. Steven was lying. Was this how he tricked Mabel? With a web of lies that went unnoticed until too late.

“A clean cut. It doesn’t look serious. Rinse it under some water and use pressure to stop the bleeding. I’m going to go get a band aid.”

Dipper did end up rinsing the cut and pressing the finger against his other hand to slow the bleeding. But only because it was common sense.

When Steven came back, the band aid was already open. When he put it around Dipper’s finger, it seemed damp. It could have been moisture from running his hand under the sink. More likely, Steven had put poison on the band aid. This was how he would get revenge. And now it was seeping through his veins. Would anyone even bother to suspect Steven if he died. He could feel a tingling sensation in his finger. He needed to get the band aid off and the poison out.

Dipper raced out of the kitchen, only to crash into Great Uncle Ford.

“Dipper stop running. Are you alright?”

Dipper had no time to waste. He had to stop the poison. He could not let Bill, no Steven, he could not let Steven win. He glanced behind him. Steven had turned away, he appeared to be doing something with the dishes. Dipper would have to inspect them later. First, he needed to stop the poison. He took off the band aid and looked at his finger.

There was no wound. No blood. No sign of injury.

“Dipper what is that?”

“I don’t know. It was a cut but no-”

“Have you ever seen this marking before?” Ford was looking at the design on the band aid. “Cause I have. Dipper where did you get this?”

“Steven gave it to me. Great Uncle Ford you were right. Steven knows about the gems. But I think there’s more to it than what you said. I followed him and-”

“Dipper I saw this symbol during my travels this past year with Stanley.” Ford looked towards Steven suspiciously. Dipper looked at the band aid. There was a design on it, one of the characters from an old show. Crying Breakfast Food Friends. Dipper had seen a couple episodes, though he could not get invested in the plot. Why did the Mystery Shack have Crying Breakfast Food Friends band aids? Steven must have brought them. And what did Steven do to make it look like there had been no injury in the first place? Was it some sort of illusion? A contract that would bind Dipper to his will? 

Ford grabbed Dipper’s shoulder. Dipper pulled away. “Let’s go and talk in the lab. Come on.”

The lab was a mess. While unsurprising, Dipper could not help but feel unsettled by the clutter. Things were better organized. Organization meant fewer mistakes. Organization meant keeping track of things. Organization meant that dimensional rifts were not unleashed. Organization meant no apocalypse. Never mind all that. Focus on what Great Uncle Ford was saying about the band aid.

“When we were on the boat, we came across a circular pad in the middle of the ocean. There were a bunch of blue pads on top. Most of them were broken, and they all had symbols marked on them. One of them is identical to the crying pancake from your band aid. If Steven is connected to the gems, then this symbol and those pads may be as well.”

“Great Uncle Ford it’s from a-”

“Not now Dipper. I need to decode the meaning behind the crying breakfast symbols.”

“But they-”

“No time to waste. Why don’t you follow Steven and see if you notice anything off about him.”

“Actually I-”

But Great Uncle Ford was not listening. Nobody was. No one was listening to him. It was like he was invisible again. Like Bill had possessed him again. No. They had stopped Bill. Bill could not do anything. Bill was frozen. As long as no one noticed him, he was powerless. Just like Dipper was when it came to stopping Steven.

Never mind all that. Bill was not the threat. Steven was. More reconnaissance was required.

That night, Dipper lay in bed, contemplating how he could learn more about Steven. He did not seem to grasp the concept of subtlety. Which meant that if Dipper hung around him, he would probably give enough hints to piece together what was going on. But that would mean spending time with Steven. Dipper did not want to have to face him alone. If last summer had taught him anything, it was that he needed Mabel. He looked over at her bed. He could reason with her. His sister had simply missed the signs that Steven was dangerous. If he explained the situation, she would be happy to help him in his sleuthing. 

But how to make her see just how much of a threat he posed. Calling him a monster was not enough. He had to do something more.

“Steven seems similar to Bill.”

“What? Dipper come on. You’re being paranoid. Name one was that Steven is like Bill.”

“They both just showed up, and both of them were weird enough that they can’t leave Gravity Falls. They both got involved with our family and they have powers we can’t understand. They’re both dangerous.”

“Maybe if you want to understand, you should ask Steven about it instead of following him around. It’s creepy.”

“But Mabel he’s has to be stopped. What about the star. A star is just ten triangles! Steven could be ten times more powerful then Bill.”

“Steven doesn’t seem bent on destroying reality, so it doesn’t matter what kind of power he has. He just wants to relax. Get out and see the world. What’s wrong with that.”

She was still missing the point. How could she not understand? This was pointless. He could do it on his own. He would make her understand. “You know what, never mind. Goodnight Mabel.”

Dipper did not sleep. His thoughts were racing. Every time he managed to drift off, Bill was there. Taunting him. “How can you stop me if you don’t exist?” 

Eventually Dipper gave up and snuck onto the roof to watch the sunrise. He pulled out his phone and looked at the blog. Maybe he could find other sources on the gems. If they were widespread enough that they had facilities in the middle of the ocean, then the blog could not be the only thing available about them. 

This time he tried searching Steven Universe. A video came up. A jumpy recording of a broadcast. Dipper had nothing better to do. He started the clip.

It opened on a book. A book titled Steven Universe. Perhaps it was similar to the Journals, except dedicated solely to how dangerous Steven was and how to stop him.

“Once upon a time, the gem Homeworld was ruled by Diamonds. White, Yellow, Blue, and the littlest diamond, Pink.”

This must have been referring to the Great Diamond Authority that Keep Beach City Weird had talked about.

“While the other diamonds conquered many worlds across the galaxy, Pink had only one. The planet Earth.”

Pink Diamond ruled the planet Earth. The planet Earth was under gem control. Humanity was under gem control. How much of life was free will and how much of it was some sick puppet show organized by the cruel diamond overlord?

“One day, Pink fled the comforts of Homeworld. On Earth, she made a new home. New friends. And finally, new life. Giving up her form to bequeath her gem to her half human son.”

The silhouette on the page looked familiar. Dipper felt his stomach drop.

“Without Pink, gemkind entered an era of despair. But when Steven Universe learned of his heritage, he reunited with his fellow diamonds and championed a new era of peace and freedom across the furthest reaches of space.”

Steven Universe was Pink Diamond. Steven Universe was the conqueror of the planet. Steven Universe had orchestrated of all the anomalies explored on the blog. The ships, the abductions, the hollowing of the Earth. What were his plans for Gravity Falls?

The book in the video was closed and the camera moved upwards, to show a white woman. With diamonds in her eyes. And a diamond on her forehead. White Diamond. Another one of the diamond overlords. If Dipper fought Steven, would she come after him. Would Dipper’s entire life be spent fighting powerful demons that wanted to rule the universe?

“And now, dear gems everywhere, I'm pleased to announce that Steven is finally ready to take his rightful place on Pink Diamond's throne.”

“How's it going everybody.”

The video ended there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, for some reason the video cut out before Steven could talk about how he ended the empire and doesn’t want a throne. What a shame.
> 
> You are all amazing, and lovely, and wonderful, and I hope you all have a fantastic day. I still can’t believe that people are enjoying this, it’s incredible. I am so grateful and honoured that you all take the time to read this.
> 
> Ɛ>


	6. Being…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper calls for backup.

“Dipper!” Ford had arrived up on the roof at some point, his voice shocking Dipper out of a daze.

“Great Uncle Ford! I figured it out. There was this video online and I figured out what’s up with Steven. He’s-”

“Calm down Dipper. I saw it too. That’s what I came to tell you. And now that the mystery is solved you can go back to having a normal summer.”

“But what happened next? The video can’t end there can it. There has to be more. What does Steven want? Why is he in Gravity Falls?”

“Why don’t you ask him. Oh, that reminds me. I wanted to ask about what happened after they formed brunch.”

“After they…. Great Uncle Ford what are you talking about.”

“Why the mystery of the crying food of course. It turns out it’s from a show called Crying Breakfast Food Friends. Steven used to post reaction videos to them. And guess what. The two meals joined together to form brunch. But the video ended there. I am curious as to how the other fans took this development and wanted to ask him.”

Crying Breakfast Food Friends. Ford was talking about Crying Breakfast Food Friends. He did not know that Steven was galactic ruler of the Earth. He cared about something that Dipper could have told him.

There was no one who was willing to help or listen. Steven was becoming more liked by the moment. Why could the threat not be Bill again? At least if it was Bill people would be willing to help him.

He needed someone who knew nothing about Steven Universe. Who would not be swayed by his deception. Who had the firepower to take him down.

It would be risky. There was a chance that they would remember and take Grunkle Stan away. But if he did not do this, then Steven would be free to destroy everything. His family would understand. He was doing this for them. 

Dipper flipped through his notebook. He had written it down so that he had it, but never thought he would contact again. Dipper took a deep breath and pressed call.

Dipper did not talk at breakfast. He could not bring himself to speak. Mabel asked him what he thought of her newly bedazzled sweater. He managed to give her a thumbs up.

Dipper watched Steven at work. Could Steven read minds? Did he know what was going to happen? Would he go to Bill for backup? Dipper had to make sure Steven stayed at the Mystery Shack. If he left, everything would be ruined. Which meant watching Steven sweep.

Grunkle Stan walked into the room, half-humming-half-singing something under his breath. Both Steven and Wendy looked up.

“Mr. Pines I didn’t know you were into Sadie Killer.”

“Who?”

“Sadie Killer and the Suspects? You were singing on of their songs.”

Sadie Killer and the Suspects. Wendy had played a few songs for him last summer, and while he was not a huge fan it was better than Rodney’s singing.

“Wendy that is ridiculous. I would never listen to any band you like. This song is by Mr. Universe.”

“But you were singing Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart. That’s Sadie Killer and the Suspects. It’s not as popular as ones like The Working Dead, but I recognize it.”

“Let Me Drive My Van Into Your – Wendy that’s a Mr. Universe classic.”

“Actually, guys, they both-” Steven tried to say something but was cut off. Good. If Grunkle Stan and Wendy stayed focused on the conversation Steven would not have a chance to further ensnare them.

“I’ve never even heard of Mr. Universe.”

“I went to a couple of his concerts back in the day. His show in Aquatown was amazing. He gave me a free CD. Space Train to the Cosmos. ‘From the moment that I hit the stage-”

Mabel burst into the Mystery Shack from the living room. “Is that the Pepe’s Burger jingle?”

“Mabel come on; Mr. Universe would never sell out like that. And this Sapid Miller probably stole his song.”

“Actually, he’s their manager.” Steven interrupted the discussion, a look of amusement on his face. “And Marty is the one who sold the rights to the song.”

“Kid, please don’t tell me you’re another conspiracy theorist. Two in the family is enough.”

“Conspiracy. What? I know absolutely nothing about conspiracies. Absolutely nothing.” How could no one else recognize that Steven was suspicious. “Anyways, I know because Mr. Universe is my dad. And I was involved with Sadie Killer and the Suspects in the beginning but… things came up.”

“You’re related to Mr. Universe? I thought that was a stage name.”

“No, he got it legally changed for… reasons. He ended up settling down after he met my mom. A few years ago, he became the Suspect’s manager, and right now he’s touring with Sadie and Shep.”

No one seemed to know what to say to that. And before anyone got a chance to ask Steven questions, Ford burst into the room. “Stanley, you need to go, now. A couple government vehicles just pulled into the parking lot.”

Dipper pushed down his panic. This was a good thing. They would deal with Steven, so he did not have to. This was what he wanted.

“What’s wrong with the government?”

“Steven, I know you’re new, but practically nothing here is legal.” Wendy said, closing down the register.

“We need some way to stall for time to get everything cop-proofed.”

“Stanley what we need to do is hide.”

“I can go distract them.” Steven grabbed a pen and wrote something down on the back of a wrapper. “If something goes wrong, call this number and tell Connie that jam bud is in a jam. Don’t worry. I have practice with the evil government thing.”

“Steven you don’t have ID you should not be-” Ford called but Steven was already out the door.

Dipper shook his head. This was what he wanted. Why was he upset? Pushing down the guilt in his throat, Dipper helped put the Shack in lockdown. By the time they were done, the government officers, and Steven Universe, were gone.

“We have to go and get him.”

“They could have taken him anywhere.”

“Should we call the number.”

“What were they even doing here? You wiped their memories; they had no reason to come back. Did it wear off?”

“I called them.” The silence that followed was louder than everyone talking. Dipper took as deep a breath as he could manage. “I called them because something is off about Steven and none of you bothered to notice. And I could not let another Bill happen. Not when I could stop it.”

“Dipper.” Mabel’s voice was soft. It was somehow worse than anger. “How would you feel if after we went home, and we were jumping at everything and woke up screaming and refused to be separated, someone called a mental institution and got us locked up. We know Steven is weird. And probably insanely powerful. But he seems to be on the run. So, we were happy to let him think he was doing a good job hiding things.”

“In some of the videos he posted, his house was being attacked, or there was some sort of fight. He treated it like a normal occurrence, a mild inconvenience at most. He’s been involved with the gems and their missions from a young age. Fighting in a gem war for the good of humankind.”

“The kid has a strong moral code, is willing to break the law, and has gone seventeen years without the government knowing he exists. You might not be able to hear it in the attic, but he will wake up crying or screaming.”

“He actually puts in effort working at the Mystery Shack.”

“Dude, some of the stories he tells the kids are way too complicated to be made up. And the picture they make isn’t pretty.”

Dipper felt sick. The problem was not that no one noticed what was wrong with Steven. The problem was that Dipper could not give him a chance. He was stupid. Horrible, wrong, disgusting, why did he think he could do anything, Bill was right, he was a mistake, wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG.

“And if that’s not enough, the government having him means you will never be able to get the full story. So, help us find him.”

Mabel thought that he cared more about solving a mystery than Steven’s life. And thinking about how he acted, she was probably right. Dipper had done this. Dipper had ruined everything. Which meant Dipper had to fix it.  
This was familiar territory. He and Mabel had a common enemy. They Mystery Twins were back.

“He’s still going to be within town limits. The barrier means they can’t take him out of Gravity Falls. They’re probably holding him at the police station, like they did with you Grunkle Stan. If we want to free him, we need a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, yes, I am emotionally wrecked by Shera season 5. It was everything I could possibly want. 12/10.
> 
> Thanks to koalablu for reminding me about Steven’s YouTube channel, I had completely forgotten about it.
> 
> Also, wowthwtslame wrote a fic inspired by this??????? It’s called [Pieces of the Puzzle](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24210991/chapters/58323667)  
>  and I am absolutely blown away by the fact it exists.
> 
> The response to this has been incredible, it doesn’t actually feel real. Every single one of you is amazing and valid and appreciated.


	7. Being…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raid the Gravity Falls jail, they can’t stop us all.

The phone lines were down. Dipper was relieved that he did not have to worry about the sword lady coming for him. The Pines family could do this. They knew the local jail and had practice breaking out. And this time they would have the advantage of starting outside a cell.

The issue was with the government agents. Interacting with them ran the risk of restoring their memories. Thankfully, Dipper had thought through several different versions of the agents returning over the past year. He needed to be prepared in case something happened and they were in trouble. Bill was unpredictable, but the government was. Which meant he could make plans for how to deal with it. None of them had included Steven in the calculations, but as long as Steven stayed in place and did not talk the plans had a chance of succeeding.

They were doomed.

Dipper needed to come up with a plan. He had to fix his mistake. Unless there was a way to override the government, a jailbreak was required. And if the agents remembered them, they would try to arrest them all. And they would be locked away forever. Imprisoned like Bill. And then who would stop Bill if he managed to come back? The government could make them disappear, erase any traces of the Pines family, just like they had with Quentin Trembly.

Wait a minute. Override the government. Quentin Trembley. That could work. It was ridiculous. But so were gnomes living in the forest. So were yellow triangle demons, never mind all that. So was Steven Universe having been involved in a war. All they needed was time to get set up.

Wendy was the one who came up with a distraction. “We get a big group and storm the jail. They can’t stop us all. If we tell people it will keep the government from poking around, they’ll be more than happy to help.”

Some of the people gathered outside the jail wanted the government gone. Mabel took off her sweater. Some wanted to cause chaos. Dipper put on a pair of dark sunglasses. Some had met Steven Universe and wanted to help him out. Dipper flipped through his notebook till he found what he needed and put it in his wallet.

The police station got numerous prank calls. Ford tried calling the number Steven had given again. Tires were slashed. Soos found a powdered wig in an old trunk. Old Man McGucket drove his latest robot monster down main street. Stan used his knowledge on the legal system to come up with a release statement. 

Mabel was dressed in a robe and powdered wig. Dipper wore a suit similar to those of the agents. Ford had equipped them both with taser guns. If they were not back in twenty minutes, Grunkle Stan was going to take his brass knuckles and get them out.

“Excuse me officers, but can you inform as to what is going on here?” All he had to do was follow the plan. Keep calm and play it cool. Dipper could do this. He had to do this.

“We don’t have time for kids playing dress up. Get lost.” Agent Power was just like Dipper remembered him.

“Yeah get lost kids.” So was Agent Trigger.

“I beg your pardon. I am no mere child. I am Congresswoman Mabel, appointed by President Sir Lord Quintin Trembley the Third, Esquire. Now, as my bodyguard asked, what is going on here?”

“Bodyguard? Mabel I-” Mabel stepped on his foot before he could say anything else. Before he could mess everything else up. Before he could make things worse for Steven then they already were.

“Seeing as the 8½th President of the United States, who does not exist, is not here to prove your claim, the answer is still no.”

Dipper pulled out his wallet. “Is this enough proof for you or do you need more.”

“A -12 dollar bill. This is worthless.”

“It’s less than worthless.”

“And I believe it is more than enough proof of my connection to Quentin. Now, release the suspect at once!”

“With all due respect Congresswoman Mabel, there is no record of this man anywhere in our files. He is likely an illegal alien.”

“But why did you come here to arrest him? Has he done anything wrong? What are the charges? Why has he been taken into custody?”

“He came willingly when we said we would leave the town alone if he went with us. He seems to be unable to leave the town. Every time we try, our vehicles slow down until they are unable to more forward entirely. He cannot pass beyond the town limits.”

“Then he is of no threat to anybody. He has shown no ill intent in the time he has been here and cannot leave. There is no issue. Release the suspect and I shall handle the rest. There was recently a UFO sighting in Kentucky that you need to go investigate.”

“But he-”

“Go. Investigate.”

Steven was released. The agents were packed up and were ready to move out. All Dipper had to do now was admit to Steven that he had called the government to have him arrested. Admit that he has messed everything up. That he had ruined everyone’s day. Because he was blind and stupid.

“Steven… I… I-” Dipper was spared having to explain himself when Mabel’s newly bedazzled sweater launched itself at Agent Trigger.

The sweater was moving on its own. The sleeves raised as if for boxing. The agents reached for their guns. This was bad. And why was the sweater moving? The Journals had not mentioned anything on moving clothing? Had they?

Steven looked suspiciously at the sweater. “Mabel, what did you attach to the sweater.”

“Some cool rocks I found last summer. When the wax statues melted these shiny rocks were left behind. I collected them, put them in a shoebox, and forgot about it till I found them while cleaning out your room.”

“Okay, this might seem like a strange question, but did any of these wax statues happen to be alive?” How did Steven know about the statues? What did they have to do with Mabel’s sweater?

“Yeah, all of them.”

“Did you say anything to the sweater after you bedazzled it?” What did that have to do with anything?

“Ummmm. I think I mentioned that help dealing with the agents would be nice while I was getting changed.”

Steven groaned. “Okay I know what this is. I’ve dealt with something like it before. As long as we can grab the sweater, this situation can be resolved quickly.”

“Fire!” The agents started shooting and the sweater was blown apart.

“Are you kidding me.”

Steven was far too familiar with combat. Snatching gem shards off the pieces of string that were attacking the agents. Being able to avoid flailing arms that were trying to fight enchanted yarn. But he could still use help. Dipper looked at Mabel and nodded. The two of them charged towards the agents. Only for Steven to hand them the shards he had collected. “Don’t let these touch any clothing or fabric and stay out of the fight.”

Why did Steven not want their help? They could handle themselves. They were young but they had seen combat before.

But so had Steven. Great Uncle Ford had said Steven was involved in a gem war. And this was a gem fight. Dipper did not have the Journals to tell him what to do. He was useless. Useless and worthless. He messed everything up. Mabel pressed a worm on a string into his hand. He had not noticed her getting it out. Breathe and focus on the feeling of the worm. Breathe. Breathe.

Steven swiftly collected all of the gem shards that were harassing the agents. He came over and took the ones Mabel was holding. Dipper had dropped his at some point. Was it before or after Mabel had distracted him? Steven picked up the shards from the ground, then trapped all of them in a pink bubble. Just like Bill had done to Mabel. Trapped with no way out and people were being frozen and Bill was free and he had to save Mabel and never mind all that.

The agents were looking at the Steven suspiciously. Some had already turned their guns towards him. Mabel being a congresswoman would not be enough to protect him now.

Steven was undisturbed by the glares. He looked at the bubble of gem shards. “Is that all of them.”

“Larry King’s head lives in the vents of the Mystery Shack but he seems happy there,” Mabel supplied.

“Okay then.” Steven tapped the top of the bubble and it vanished. He pulled out his phone and tried to call someone. The phones seemed to be working again, since the call went through. “Hey Garnet, I just sent a bubble, some Carnelian shards, but I don’t know if it managed to get out of the barrier. Can you check. Okay. Okay? Okay thanks. Love you too. Bye.”

He looked at the twins. “Problem solved. Yellow will fix her up and then she can be move forward.”

Yellow. Like Bill. But Steven was connected to gems, not Bill. Unless he was connected with him. Or Bill was connected with gems. Dipper squeezed the worm on a string.

“You’re coming with us.” Agent Power seemed to have recovered from being attacked by an overly bedazzled sweater.

“You are under arrest.” So had Agent Trigger.

“Do not resist.”

“You can’t arrest me. Diplomatic immunity. Now I believe a member of congress told you to leave.”

“And which country are you from that grants your diplomatic immunity? You are not in any of the records? You should be taken into custody until we find that at least.”

Steven pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m the former Earth ambassador for the Great Diamond Authority. The events that have occurred today are my responsibility, so why don’t you leave before I have to contact anyone.”

That did the trick. Within five minutes it was as if the agents had never been there in the first place. Dipper tried not to come up with reasons for the government knowing about the Diamond Authority. Like how it could be a national coverup. Or brainwashing. Or both. Never mind all that. He was being paranoid. There was nothing to worry about.

Grunkle Stan and Great Uncle Ford joined the teenagers.

“So, what did you think of jail kid?”

Steven laughed. “It was better than the last time I got arrested. There wasn’t even a murder trial.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to everyone who wanted to see Connie this chapter. Was it the government or Steven’s powers causing the phones not to work? I’ll let you decide.
> 
> If you don’t think Mabel takes advantage of the fact that she is a member of congress you are wrong.
> 
> The wax statues were cursed to come alive during the waxing moon, and apparently carnelians have links to the waxing moon, as well as canonically being made on Earth so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> You are all so fricken amazing. Do at least one nice thing for yourself today.


	8. Being Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We’ll win the fight and then go out for pizzas and be plagued by various traumatic events.

“At least now I know that saying I have diplomatic immunity works.”

Dipper had questions. Several questions. But he could not ask them. He had hurt Steven enough. Caused enough pain for the day. He could never make up for all that he had done, but he could apologize. “Steven, I called the cops and it was dumb and stupid of me and I put everyone at risk, and I messed this up, but I won’t let it happen again and I’m sorry and-”

Steven raised his hand. Dipper fell silent.

“Dipper, when you undergo a traumatic experience it clouds your judgment. Believe me, I know. You calling the government was not a smart idea. Neither was following me when I was having a panic attack. But nobody was injured. And I have a support system in place. I will be fine. Will you?”

Dipper had no clue what Steven was talking about. He was fine.

“I suppose we both owe each other explanations.” Ford looked around at all the townspeople. “Why don’t we go back to the Mystery Shack and discuss this there.

“I don’t really want to go into detail, but I’m half-gem. Gems are an intergalactic race that used to conquer other planets. They tried to conquer Earth, but a rebellion fought back, and the Earth colony was abandoned. My mom was the leader, and she and the Crystal Gems lived on Earth for a couple thousand years. Then she met my dad and gave up her physical form to make me. The Great Diamond Authority used to rule over the gems, but they ended up converting to democracy and now there is peace across the universe.” Steven counted the points on his fingers. Then he looked at them all. “You each get one question, but I don’t have to answer if I don’t want to.”

Somehow it was Wendy who went first. “You said your mom was the leader, right? Which side did she fight for? Was she part of the rebellion or did she get stuck on Earth?”

Dipper thought back to the video. Steven was Pink Diamond which meant his mom must have been trapped on Earth when the other gems abandoned the colony. But the Keep Beach City Weird blog had said that the Crystal Gems were the rebellion. They must have been very forgiving to accept an enemy into their ranks.

“Yes.”

That made no sense. How could Pink Diamond have been the leader for both sides. Perhaps she had climbed the Crystal Gem rankings after they took her in.

Stan spoke up next. “You doing okay after being arrested?”

“Yeah. It wasn’t the first time and I have a therapy appointment in a few days. I’ll talk about it then.”

Grunkle Stan nodded and Mabel leapt up from her spot on the floor. “How did the trail go? Who did you murder? Wait that’s two questions.” 

Steven’s face went slack for a moment. Then he shook his head.

“They thought I had murdered my mom, after she faked her death and pretended to be her own murderer, but I didn’t know that at the time. And I managed to escape and get back to Earth with help from Lars. Who di… how have I not brought that up before?” Steven typed something into his phone. “Who’s next?”

What had made Steven pause? Was he actually a murdered? He had been a part of a war, it made sense that he had fought. But to actually kill someone. Dipper shivered. The room felt colder.

“What was going on with Mabel’s sweater that allowed it to be animated?” Great Uncle Ford seemed to have managed to decide on a question.

“Shattered gems. They still have bits of a gem consciousness inside them, so they can be attached to inanimate objects and transformed into soldiers. Mabel accidently activated it when she said she needed help fighting. But nowadays those are rare. Most gem shards on Earth were used to form the Cluster. You’ll be more likely to run into a corrupted gem. They’re… they’re gems that were damaged by the Diamonds and transformed into… monsters. There haven’t been any signs of one in the area but there is a crashed ship nearby. If you see one, come get me, I’ll deal with it.”

Corrupted gems were monsters. Steven had to fight these monsters. Monsters that were once like him. And Dipper had called Steven a monster. No wonder he had freaked out. Dipper had said he was like creatures he had been raised to fight. If someone told Dipper that he was like Bill…

Never mind all that. Never mind all that. Never. Mind. All. That.

“Dipper? Is everything okay?” Steven was looking at him in concern.

“Yeah I was just thinking…” Dipper needed a question to ask. There were so many floating around his brain. How did Steven’s powers work? How early had he started fighting in the war? What were these other planets like? How exactly did the war end? What was up with that video where Steven was a member of the Diamond Authority? What made the diamonds switch from tyrants like Bill to democracy? Were the gems connected at all to Bill? Were they working with him? Was Steven here to free him? 

“Have you heard of a blog called Keep Beach City Weird?”

Stupid stupid question. He was an idiot. Now Steven knew he had read the blog and he was unlikely to learn anything useful. Dipper had wasted his question, just like he had wasted everyone’s time today by calling the government on a child soldier who was trying to move forward. He was a horrible person.

Steven groaned. “Of course you managed to find Ronaldo’s blog. Most of the events he covered happened, but he tends to jump to conclusions. He once tried to convince me, who grew up and fought alongside the Crystal Gems, that gemkind wanted to hollow out the Earth.” Steven blinked a couple times. “Though with the Cluster, I guess he was half-right. Take everything he says with a grain of salt and if you want to find out about what was actually happening you can ask me later. But the same rule applies, if I don’t want to talk, I don’t have to.”

Soos raised his hand. “Very important, time-critical, pressing question. What do you want for dinner tonight? You get arrested, you get to pick the meal.”

Steven smiled. “Does Gravity Falls have any fish?”

As per Steven’s request, Soos fried up some fish and ordered a pizza. Then Steven proved he was a despicable monster. 

He put the fish on the pizza and took a bite. “We used to get Fish Stew Pizza after a mission in order to celebrate.” He said, noticing the looks he was getting.

“Sounds tasty,” Mabel copied Steven and took a bite. 

“I guess now it’s my turn to ask a question. What is going on with this town? Those shards were the first gem activity I have seen here but this place feels like Beach City, which means something is up.”

They could not talk about Bill. That was against the rules. Since when did the Pines family care about the law? No. Never mind all that. Dipper could talk about Gravity Falls without talking about Bill.

Great Uncle Ford beat him to it. “Gravity Falls is a hotspot for weirdness and anomalies. Though with your arrival I am now curious as to whether these anomalies originated in Gravity Falls or were passing through and got trapped by the barrier.” He grabbed a pen and started writing on a paper napkin, muttering to himself.

Dipper owed Steven an explanation. He could do this. He just had to avoid mentioning Bill. “There are gnomes and monsters made of candy and Old Man McGucket and manotaurs and Bi…billions of other strange things. There used to be Journals filled with notes on the events, but they were destroyed in an… incident last summer.”

“There are all sorts of crazy adventures you can go on.” Mabel added helpfully. “It’s scary, but fun!”

“How life threatening are these adventures.”

Jumping across cliffs. Ghosts at the convenience store. Almost being sent to Washington. Time travel. Gideon taking over the Shack. The shapeshifter. The memory gun. Opening the portal. Great Uncle Ford almost being fired into space. Mabel trapped in a bubble. Bill.

“Are you getting help?” Steven must have taken their silence as an answer.

Mabel nodded. “Me, Candy, and Grenda video chat every other week to talk about stuff that happened. Grenda’s mom is a psychologist and she gives us advice on how to process everything.”

Mabel was seeing a psychologist? Why did he not know about this? Why did she not tell him? They were supposed to be in this together. They Mystery Twins against the world. But she had never told him.

Never mind all that. 

“I’m fine. I don’t need any help. I can deal with it on my own.”

Steven did not look convinced, but he dropped the subject. The conversation drifted to the earlier jailbreak and laughter about the agent’s faces. Dipper did not contribute.

Lying in bed that night, Dipper tossed and turned. He did not need help. He was doing fine on his own. He could help himself. Steven had clearly been through worse. And Steven was doing well. Which meant Dipper could be fine.

He wound the worm on a string over his fingers. He was fine. Bill taking over his body. Never mind all that, he was fine. Racing Bill inside Grunkle Stan’s mind. Never mind all that. Bill wanting to tear him and Mabel apart. Dipper was trapped and everyone was suffering and he and Mabel were about to die and-

Never mind all that.

When Dipper finally managed to fall asleep, he dreamt. He was surrounded by inky blackness. There was a yellow glow behind him.

“Hey there Pine Tree.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *chucks the chapter then runs away before I can be caught* You'll never take me alive!
> 
> I hope you all are staying safe and I want you to know that you are appreciated and valued.


	9. Just a Little Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DipDot Productions brings you its newest film, Nightmares starring Yellow Dorito.

Dipper knew this was a dream. He knew how it would play out. Knew how it would end. He would wake up in a cold sweat, probably screaming. And there was nothing he could do but let it run its course.

Bill would do some sort of unspeakable evil. Something that would make Dipper’s stomach turn. Torture everyone. Destroy everything. Turn him back into a puppet. Hurt Mabel.

He did not turn around. It did not matter; Bill was suddenly floating in front of him anyways. He kept his eyes open. It was worse when he could not see what was happening.

“Wow Pine Tree, I knew you were scared but still. It’s inspiring some of the ideas you’ve come up with. I might have to make a few of them a reality once I’m free.”

Dipper was tired. Even asleep he could never get rest. “Just get it over with Bill.”

“What no fight? No dramatic speech about never giving up? I didn’t expect you to break so easily. When did you become this weak? What happened to the great saviour that vanquished the conqueror?”

This was new. Bill never talked. Not in the dreams. In dreams, Bill hurt people. Hurt him. Hurt Grunkle Stan and Great Uncle Ford and Wendy and Soos. And Mabel. 

The last time Bill had wanted to talk was before they had wiped Grunkle Stan’s memory.

Dipper scrutinized the yellow triangle demon in front of him. Tried to spot any lack of detail that would indicate he was not real.

There were none. Which meant it was Bill. Real Bill. It meant Bill could still project himself. Bill could escape. And Bill was inside his mind. 

“Don’t look so down about it Pine Tree. This is all your doing. The memory wipe trick would have worked if not for you.”

Somehow, Dipper knew it was true. That this was another thing he had managed to screw up beyond repair. He messed everything up.

“It was when you became my puppet see. I had complete control over your body. You managed to boot me out, but not before I managed to keep a part of myself latched to you. I’ve been slumbering in your subconscious. And now you’ve called me out. All that thinking about me, and wondering about me, and the fear, oh yes, the fear. Finally realizing that you deserve to feel this way because it was all your fault. Everything is your fault. It was enough to wake me up. And now I’m here.”

It made sense. Dipper felt sick.

“Now all you need to do is free me and we can restart the end of the world. Pick up where we left off. Doesn’t that sound fun?”

People screaming. A blood red sky. Monsters that argued over which bits of your body they would get to eat. Freeing Mabel. Going to fight Bill. Getting caught. Bill chasing them. Bill clutching them, choosing which one to kill. “Never mind all that!”

“Never mind? Never mind? Pine Tree, don’t act like you don’t mind. Because you do mind. Wanna know why. Cause you miss it. You wish you still had to fight me. Because people were suffering. You liked watching people suffering. You say Steven is a monster, but it’s actually you.”

“No, that’s not true!” It could not be. Even if things had been easier then. There had been a simple goal. Protect Mabel, survive, defeat Bill. It had been terrifying, but at least he had a purpose. Now…

“See. You do miss me. That’s why you woke me up. Why you kept me alive this long. Whose fault was it that I was freed in the first place?”

“Mine.”

“That’s right. Yours. And I pay back my depts. I have good news for you Dipper. When, not if, when I am free again, I will not destroy you. Everyone else in Gravity Falls must pay for what they did. And the Pines family will suffer. I will enjoy their screams. But not yours. Dipper you will be rewarded. You will be granted a place at my side, where you shall remain for all eternity, as repayment for ensuring my control over reality.”

Bill was threatening everyone. Bill wanted to hurt people. Bill wanted to hurt his family. And somehow, Dipper’s mind felt clearer than it had since the end of summer. He had to save everyone. “I’ll stop you!”

“Why? Besides my offer, what is there for you? Say you do manage to prevent my return. What next? What happens to the hero once there are no more villains to fight?”

“They live happily ever after.”

“Happily ever after, huh. Such an interesting concept. But it doesn’t really work that way does it? You are supposed to be living happily ever after right now. And instead you’re here. Just take a look at Steven. He fought in a war, went through countless identity crises, nearly died more times than he can remember. Want to know what he was typing in his phone earlier. A reminder about how he got one of his friends killed trying to run away from who he was. Like you’re trying to do now. And you what happened when there was no one left to fight? Steven became the villain.”

Steven was not the villain. Everyone said so. He had just been through hardship. Suffered. Fought a war.

“Steven and I, we have a lot in common. Being able to walk in the dreamscape. The ability to possess lesser life forms. Destructive powers. There’s a reason he’s not with the gems. A reason he ran when you called him a monster. And if he’s similar to you, that means you’re like me.”

Connie who held a sword and told him to never hurt Steven again. Steven who effortlessly took out highly trained government agents. Steven who was actually a diamond. 

Dipper, who was a monster.

“Listen Pine Tree. You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. And you have passed the point of being able to die a hero. It’s only a matter of time before someone finds the statue. All it takes is one handshake and I’m back. It will be like I never left. You can’t prevent it. It’s inevitable. Whether at some randos hand, or yours, I will be free. What are you going to do when it happens? Struggle needlessly or stand by my side?”

Dipper woke up slowly. As if his mind was struggling to settle after the communication. With Bill. Dipper had communicated with Bill. He bolted upright.

“Mabel! Mabel wake up! Please, Mabel you have to wake up!”

“Ugh, Dipper can’t you be quiet. It’s early.”

“Mabel, I talked to Bill.”

The Mystery Shack family was gathered in the living room. Steven was in the kitchen, making breakfast. It was the best opportunity Dipper would get to talk. But he could not bring himself to form words. He looked desperately towards Mabel. She handed him his worm on a string. Dipper was unsure when he started to consider the creature his, but he did.

“Dipper had a dream with Bill last night. Actual Bill.” 

It was hard for Dipper to explain. He could not properly convey the pure terror he felt. He did not want to explain what Bill had said about his nature. About how he would stand at Bill’s side. But with help from Mabel he managed to get the general point across.

It took some time to absorb what had been said. Then Great Uncle Ford spoke up. “We need a way to get Bill out of your head and we are not using the memory gun.”

Dipper shut his eyes. “Steven actually might be able to help with that. Bill… Bill said he could go into other people’s dreams. He might be able to help get him out.”

The group lapsed into silence once more. A few minutes later, Steven came in with a few different plates. 

“Coffee for Stan, bacon and eggs for Ford, breakfast burrito sandwich for Soos, waffles for the kids,” he announced going around the room. The waffles were topped with whipped cream and syrup. Steven had a cup of tea.

Everyone looked at each other, trying to figure out who would ask. It turned out to be Soos. “Steven, dude, do you think you could go into Dipper’s mind at night and use your super special gem powers to fight a demon in his brain?”

Steven set his tea to the side and took a deep breath. “No. My powers have gotten a lot more… volatile since I last used them to astral project.”

Steven was dangerous and volatile. Bill was a demon. Which made Dipper a monster.

“The closest I’ve come to it in years was technology hijacking. Instead of broadcasting my consciousness and being able to control what happened, it was my subconsciousness. Which Dipper does not deserve to deal with.” Steven fell silent, his eyes distant. Was he thinking about how he got his friend killed, or how he almost died, or something else entirely?

“Okay then,” Grunkle Stan spoke up. “We need a way to keep anyone from shaking his hand.”

Great Uncle Ford thought for a moment. “We could shatter his statue.”

A strangled noise came from Steven’s direction. He was on his knees, clutching his forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *crawls out of my hole, yeets this chapter, then goes back into hiding*
> 
> Good luck getting my kneecaps suckers, I have kneepads and a baseball bat. I don’t know how to use it, but I have it.
> 
> Seriously though, this is insane. The amount of support this fic has gotten is ridiculous. You are all incredible. Stay strong and hold on. You are enough.


	10. Just a Little Something That I Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper is confronted by a panicking Steven. Can Dipper trust himself to make the right decision now that he knows he’s connected to Bill?

Watching Steven fall to the ground, Dipper knew this was his fault. His fault for pushing, his fault for bringing Steven into it, his fault for failing to defeat Bill. Dipper did this and now Steven was hurting.

Steven who was like Bill. Steven who had destructive powers. Steven who could walk in the dreamscape and possess people.

Steven who talked with Mabel about relationships. Steven who made everyone breakfast. Steven who helped when he caused Dipper to panic.

"Hey Steven. I don't know if you can hear me right now. But I want you to try something with me, okay?" This was new territory, but Dipper was familiar with the stakes. Stop the outburst, save everyone. He had to make up for what he had done. He had to help Steven.

"I want you to breathe with me okay. In, 2, 3, 4. Hold, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8."

Dipper continued to talk Steven through breathing and tried to remember what Connie had done. She had been supportive. Talked to him, comforted him, been there for him. Distracted him.

Once Steven's was no longer hyperventilating, Dipper started talking about old adventures. “One time, Grunkle Stan told Mabel that he had never seen a rainbow. So, we decided to interfere. We set up a giant mirror and reflected a rainbow into his office.” What other harmless adventures had there been? “Another time, I used the old copy machine in order to make duplicates of myself.”

Steven flinched. Dipper changed adventures. “Did Mabel tell you about the time she fell in love with a mermaid? They met at the pool in town. She wanted to help free him, so she loaded him into a cooler and drove him to the Gravity Falls lake. He sent her some messages in bottles to let her know that he made it back to the ocean.”

The bubble around Steven faded away. 

“There was one time we found an old mailbox in the woods. It could answer any question. It knew our names and how Soos shaved a baby duck and paddleball into the back of his head. Then Mabel put in a video of her shoving gummy worms up her nose.”

Steven looked up, the ghost of a smile on his face. “I once sent my friend a letter, then narrated the entire thing to him.”

Mabel spoke up. "Steven, would you be comfortable with a hug?"

He nodded, and Mabel approached. She slowly wrapped her arms around him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s just that shattering a gem… you aren’t supposed to come back from that.”

Great Uncle Ford rubbed his chin. “Aren’t supposed to. Does that mean it is possible?”

Steven’s eyes went glassy and his breath hitched. Mabel rubbed his back. “Don’t want to talk about it. Why did you want me to go in Dipper’s mind?”

Ford shook his head. “We can’t. That would violate the Never Mind All That Act.”

“The law never stopped me before,” Grunkle Stan pointed out. “Last summer, this weird triangle demon named Bill started the end of the world. We tricked him to go into my mind then wiped it. We though the statue was all that was left, but it seems this parasite attached himself to Dipper. If anyone is dumb enough to shake his hand, he’ll be able to start all over again.”

“Can he be reasoned with?”

“Bill? Reasoned with? No way dude. He’s, like, a being of pure evil and chaos.”

“Sounds like White Diamond. The reasoning part, not the chaos part. She craved order and perfection. Everyone said she couldn’t be reasoned with, but she came around…”

Steven trailed off and curled up tighter, pressing his legs against his chest and stomach, his arms wrapped around himself.

“He was going to kill everyone. He threatened me and Dipper in order to force Grunkle Ford to make a deal with him,” Mabel murmured, still rubbing softly.

Steven uncurled slightly and nodded. “A Bluebird situation.”

“This Bluebird threatened you?” Grunkle Stan cracked his knuckles.

“In her defense, nearly every gem I know has done the same. She’s just one of the few that didn’t want to be friends afterwards.”

Dipper felt like the bottomless pit was about to swallow him. Why had everyone tried to kill Steven? Did it have to do with him being a villain like Bill had said? And who befriended their enemies?

If Steven befriended people that tried to kill him and Steven was like Dipper and Bill had tried to kill him… maybe Dipper was destined to work with Bill.

Grunkle Stan knelt next to Steven and put a hand on his shoulder. Soos sat down at his feet and Great Uncle Ford draped him in a blanket. The group sat around Steven, comforting him. Dipper sat awkwardly to the side. He did not deserve to partake. He had caused this. Steven would not appreciate him being there. He had to keep his distance so that he did not hurt anyone else.

Steven looked at Dipper, eyes unreadable and full of emotion. “I think I have an idea about what to do with Bill. You don’t know what will happen if you break the statue. It might free him. Instead, we put the statue somewhere safe. There’s this garden in outer space. My mom left someone there once, and no one found her for six thousand years. There are no life-forms anywhere nearby. And he would be unable to influence any of the gems since they don’t sleep. Even if he manages to escape Dipper’s mind, he won’t be near the Earth.”

It was an extremely convenient solution. They had no way to verify if it was true. This could all be a ploy to release Bill. How could no one have found this person for six thousand years? Why would an intergalactic dictator need a garden with nothing around?

“During my research about the Law of Weirdness Magnetism, I found a way to replicate the barrier surrounding the town. We could activate a barrier around this garden. Then if Bill were to regain physical form, he would still be trapped.”

Dipper knew he should speak up. That he should warn against this plan, against trusting anyone they did not know. What had happened to trust no one? He remained silent.

The Pines family was taking Steven to Bill’s statue. Dipper was taking Steven to Bill’s statue. This was what he had been trying to prevent. And now he was helping it happen.

Bill’s words clouded his mind. Did he miss fighting? Was he making Steven into a villain purely to have an opponent? Did he need to be a hero so badly that he was willing to put people in danger? Did he deserve a happily ever after?

They arrived at Bill’s statue. It was covered in moss but unmistakeably the triangle demon. His hand was outstretched, waiting for someone to make a deal.

Steven walked towards the statue. Dipper’s heart was in his throat. Steven reached out his hand. Dipper resisted the urge to tackle him to the ground. Steven formed a pink bubble around the stature, the same way he had for the gem shards. Then he pulled out his phone.

“Hey Pearl. Yeah, it’s been great here, I’m enjoying it. Yes. Yes. Tomorrow. Listen, are you at the Temple right now? Okay. Okay. I’m about to send a demon there in a bubble. Don’t pop the bubble. A demon, like the villain from Lonely Blade III. Could you warp it to Mom’s garden? Okay. Text me when you’re done. I love you too.” Steven hung up and turned towards the rest of the group. “Everything is good to go. Are you guys sure about this?”

Grunkle Stan gave a thumbs up. Great Uncle Ford nodded. “So long sucker,” Mabel shouted. Everyone turned to look at Dipper.

He was not sure about this. Could this Pearl be trusted not to release Bill immediately? Did it matter if it meant Bill was no longer in Gravity Falls? Did Dipper trust Steven?

Dipper was the reason Bill remained a threat. Dipper could not be trusted with any decisions regarding the demon. It would be better to follow what everyone else suggested. People who did not have Bill in their subconscious.

Dipper squeezed the worm on a string in his pocket and nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Steven tapped the top of the bubble.

It vanished. Dipper felt a wave of relief. Then guilt for being relieved. 

Even if Bill did manage to escape, he was far away. He could not hurt anyone in Gravity Falls. Except Dipper, who deserved it. Bill was no longer a threat to the Earth. Unless the gems were working with him. Unless this had been the plan all along.

Dipper shook his head, trying to get rid of the doubts. Bill was inside him. He could not be trusted. His family could. And his family trusted Steven.

Steven turned to Ford. “Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot are going to take a ship to the garden in order to activate the barrier. I’ll give you Peridot’s contact so you can send her the information.”

The group started back towards the Mystery Shack. Dipper paused and took a long look at where the statue had been. Then he turned and walked away.

When they got back, Dipper and Mabel went into town to help Grunkle Stan get some fireworks. That night they lit them in celebration, danced, did karaoke, and drank Pitt Cola. Pearl texted Steven, saying that the statue was in the garden and the gems were on their way to activate the barrier. The demon was imprisoned somewhere that was not Gravity Falls.

When Dipper started dreaming, Bill did not talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And if you look to your left, you will see Dipper losing faith in himself. 
> 
> Who needs kneecaps anyways?
> 
> Take a moment to think of at least one good thing about yourself. You are important and I support you.


	11. Just a Little Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why don’t you talk to each other? Why don’t you talk to each other? Just give it a try.

Dipper could do this. All he needed to do was go up to Steven and ask a couple of questions. Steven had said it was okay.

What if him asking caused Steven to have another breakdown? Dipper had wanted to know more about Gravity Falls and wound up releasing Bill. There was no reason for this to be any different.

But he was curious. Extremely curious. And so, Dipper made his way towards the break room. It was no longer an electrical room. Soos had cleaned out an old closet and put in a mini fridge. One of the walls was covered in stories of customers that had visited the Shack. From the time the Multibear had bought a bobble head to the person who insisted on paying via cheque.

Dipper stopped in the doorway. Soos was in the room with Steven. Dipper could back away quietly. It was probably a private conversation. Not something they would want him to overhear. He did not move.

“Hey dude. I was just wondering. Those stories you tell customers at the Mystery Shack. How much of that is made up?”

“All of it? I mean, it’s mostly based off adventures I’ve been on with the gems. But I change some of the details so that they make more sense. Require less context. And sometimes I throw in bits from different books or video games.”

Human zoos, fruit civilizations, zombie ninjas. How much of that had Steven lived through? The blog had mentioned watermelons that looked like Steven and alien abductions. Wendy had talked about a band called Sadie Killer and the Suspects. When he had asked what type music they played, she had played a song called The Working Dead.

Dipper had summoned zombies. The first time he called the government. He had gotten Steven imprisoned. He had trusted the government over his own family. What was wrong with him? He was broken. Bill was inside of him.

“Hey Dipper. What’s up?” Steven had spotted him. Dipper bit his lip and locked his thoughts away. He had come here to talk to Steven. 

“I was… you know how you said… so I was wondering if you could maybe… you don’t have to… but you could… never mind.” Dipper turned around. What had he been thinking? Of course, Steven did not want to talk to him. He was a bad person. He called the government. He hurt people. He was connected to Bill.

“Dipper, wait. Is everything all right?”

“Yeah, yeah everything’s fine.” Steven did not look convinced. It was probably better just to ask. He had put Steven through enough and did not want him to worry. Dipper pulled out a pen. “I just had a question about the blog.”

“Go for it.”

Dipper opened his notebook. “Okay, so, are you a puppet master?” Bill was the puppet master and Dipper was the puppet. Never mind all that.

“Not that I’m aware of, no.”

“Then how did you manage to make the cat puppets on your fingers move so realistically?”

“Shapeshifting. My fingers were actually cats.”

“You can shapeshift?” They could take on any form and were here to hollow out the Earth.

“Since gems are projections of light with mass, they are able to change their physical forms.”

“How does that work if you have a skeleton? You do have a skeleton, right?”

“Yeah, I have a human skeleton. Some of the fractures probably were from shapeshifting now that I think about it.”

“Fractures?”

“My bones… got broken. A lot. But my body healed them immediately, so we didn’t realize until I went to the doctor. Do you see a doctor?”

Steven had asked him a question, but Dipper had to keep going. If he stopped talking now, he was not sure he would ever work up the courage to ask again. “What about the green hand that everyone evacuated from?”

“That was Peridot. She had come to check on the Cluster, took me and the gems prisoner, and we blew up the ship during our escape. Mabel is talking to Grenda’s mom, are you talking to anyone?”

Steven had been taken captive by one of the gems who was going to imprison Bill. Could she be trusted. Could he? Never mind all that. “Why don’t you have a triangle on the dollar bill?”

“Not sure. Some money person probably came across something decorated with the symbol of Pink Diamond’s gem and got inspired. You know, it’s okay to open up to people.”

Not when there was a demon inside of you. Never mind all that, focus on asking Steven questions. “What about the time three hands showed up?” He held up a screenshot of the blog post.

“Two of those were Diamond ships, the one that came up from within the Earth was the Cluster. Have you ever considered going to-”

“What's the Cluster?”

“A collection of gem shards at the planet’s core. Dipper are you-”

Mabel burst into the room. “We are going mini putting.”

Dipper finished scribbling down his notes. “Mabel, last time we were there Lilliputtians weren’t exactly happy with us.”

“I know, but if we go during the day they won’t come out.”

“That doesn’t mean they won’t screw with our puts.”

“All part of the fun. Come on.” Mabel grabbed his arm and pulled him away. Steven shook his head as he watched them go. “Steven. You’re coming too. You get a free snack from the vending machine if there’s three people, Soos is busy, Wendy is hanging with her friends, and our Grunkles are going fishing. Plus, we want you there. Team Mini Putt, move out.”

“Sounds good. Dipper, if you have any questions, about anything, I’m here.”

When they got to the Putt Hutt, the sun was a few hours away from setting. Mabel was vibrating with excitement. There were lots of different groups playing, hopefully the Lillputtians would not notice them.

“Have you ever been mini putting before Steven?” Mabel lead them towards the first hole.

“Only in video games.”

“Well it’s way more fun in person. You get to hit a ball with a stick and try to get the lowest score possible. One time, I got seventeen hole in ones before the Lilliputtians screwed with my final shot.”

“I see. And what exactly is a Lilliputtian?”

“They’re these tiny golf ball people that do all the work behind the scenes to move the balls around.”

“Like the pebbles.”

“And there’s this huge feud between the different holes over who does the best job of moving the balls.”

“Okay not the pebbles. Like the different Watermelon Steven villages.” Dipper remembered Steven’s story about an island filled with watermelons. watermelon dogs, watermelon sharks, watermelon people. Except apparently the people were all Steven.

“Sure. Now let’s play. Four!” Mabel hit the golf ball.

Mabel was playing a great game. She was determined not to let the Lilliputtian vendetta influence her performance. Steven was playing well. It seemed the years of training and fighting translated better into mini golf then Dipper had expected. Dipper was doing about as well as he usually did. On hole four he managed to stay on the course.

After hole nine, they paused to cash in on the free snacks from the vending machines. Steven eyed each of the vending machines carefully.

Mabel popped up next to him. “Are you trying to make sure you pick the perfect snack?”

“What? Oh no, it’s just a force of habit. Sometimes Onion would be hiding in the vending machines at Funland.”

Dipper could still hear Mabel and Steven talking, but their voices seemed far away. Last time they had come here, they had lied and manipulated the Lilliputtians. Hurt them, wronged them. Dipper had taken advantage of them because he could. Because what were golf balls compared to him and Mabel? They were tiny.

Just like Bill had done to Gravity Falls. Was this what Bill thought of humanity. It was getting hard to breath.

“Dipper are you okay?”

“I… excuse me.” Dipper ran away. 

“Dipper wait,” Mabel called after him.

“Just give him a moment.”

Dipper ducked into the washroom. Why could he not keep it together? What was wrong with him?

Bill was inside his brain, manipulating him, controlling him. He was still a puppet. Everyone around him was at risk. He was wrong. Horrible, evil, wrong, wrong, wrong!

And even if Bill was not a part of him, he had still done horrible things. He did not need a demon’s help or guidance to hurt others. He could do it just fine on his own.

Never mind all that. Dipper splashed some water on his face, straightened his shirt, and started towards Mabel and Steven. He slowed down when he heard what they were saying.

“Is it Dipper?”

They were talking about him. Was Steven trying to turn Mabel against him? No, he managed to do that himself. Mabel would want nothing to do with someone that had a demon inside of them.

“It’s just that I invited Dipper because I feel like we’ve been drifting apart. He’s been so caught up in his head. He just has other things he wants to do then hang out with me. I thought if I did something fun with everyone, he might be able to forget about last summer and open up. Be the Dipper he used to be. But it didn’t work.”

Dipper had been making Mabel feel bad. He had been neglecting their relationship. Dipper had been hurting Mabel. After he had argued that they would face everything together, he had pushed her away.

Not anymore. Dipper would be nothing less then a perfect brother for his sister. Last summer had been difficult. It was Dipper’s fault, and he had to make up for it. Make up for all the pain she went through. He could pretend he was not afraid of himself. Hide the parts of him that were broken. For Mabel.

“Hey guys. Who’s ready to finish the game?”

When they were back at the Mystery Shack, Dipper challenged Mabel to a game of Attic Stuff Mini-Golf. She agreed, a huge smile across her face.

That night, Dipper sat up in bed. He did not want to go to sleep. Sleep meant seeing Bill hurt the ones he loved. Instead, he pulled out his phone and pulled up Keep Beach City Weird. Now that he had explanations from Steven, he wanted to reread the blog.

There were some posts that he had missed during his first visit. A giant injector that got blown up. A gem community on the outskirts of town. A pink kaiju. Dipper could ask Steven about them in the morning.

He turned off his phone and looked towards Mabel. He would pretend to be better, for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: how about a fluffy chapter where they play mini golf  
> me to me: but angst
> 
> so ummmmm, this fic now has over 10 000 hits. what the Actual Hell. to celebrate, i am going to be answering any questions you might have, no matter how dumb, on tumblr (@ghostjellyfishheart)
> 
> i cannot express how incredible it feels that you all are enjoying this. you are so insanely amazing and wonderful. drink a full glass of water today and have a snack that you like. you’ve earned it.


	12. Just a Little Feeling Gaining Speed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper has some questions for Steven. A pink glow interrupts.

Dipper poured himself a bowl of cereal. “I had a couple more questions.”

“That’s great. What are they?” Steven was packing jam, biscuits, and apple juice into a picnic basket.

Dipper had pulled up the first of the photos he had saved. “What was up with this giant injector thing?”

“That was Spinel trying to wipe out all life on Earth because she was angry at my mom for abandoning her. She’s the one from the garden where we sent Bill.”

Spinel tried to wipe out all life on Earth. Like Bill. Because she was angry about having been left in this garden. Where they had imprisoned Bill. Bill had already wanted to wreak chaos across the universe. And now they had trapped him. How would Bill retaliate? Could he retaliate if he was trapped?

“Dipper its okay. Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot are planning on stopping by to talk with Ford and make sure they did the barrier spell correctly. When they do, you can go with them so that you know it worked.”

Dipper had not realized he was talking out loud. That was bad. If he started to say his thoughts out loud, he could say something horrible. He could say something for Bill. Bill was inside of him. What did it matter if the body was trapped, Bill was inside Dipper’s brain.

Never mind all that. Dipper could not think about that. If he did, he could say it out loud. He swiped to the next photo. “What about this town?”

“That’s Little Homeworld. It’s a place for gems to live and learn how be themselves after having served the diamonds. There’s a school that the Gems run in order to help with the adjustment, especially for uncorrupted gems, since they missed the last five thousand years.”

“Is this what a corrupted gem looks like?” Dipper swiped to the final photo, the kaiju roaring on the beach.

A pink swirl began to form beside Steven. It grew larger, and the lion that had been with Connie came out. But Connie was not there. Instead, a tall woman with a circle on her forehead jumped off the lion’s back. Steven rushed forward and gave her a hug. “Pearl? You guys are here early.”

“Yes, well, we missed you.” The woman, Peal, tapped the circle and out came a group of people. From her forehead. Pearl could take people out of her forehead. Dipper recognized Connie and was fairly certain he had seen photos of the others on the blog. 

There was a group hug. Dipper was intruding, but the gems were blocking the exit. He stayed quiet and tried not to intrude.

“Steven!” The small green gremlin with a triangle head and red shirt with a yellow star waved her arms so fast it looked as if she had multiple. “I understand why you enjoyed undoing all my hard work. Smashing warp pads is so much fun!” 

“And trapping this Bill was easy enough. Easier than finding a good anvil.” A buff woman with a star tattoo ruffled Steven’s hair. Dipper raised his spoon towards his mouth. All of the gems seemed to have a star of some sort. Perhaps it was their symbol, like the Blind Eye Society’s. He lowered the spoon.

Connie turned towards him and untangled herself from the pile. Dipper took a step back. Connie paused in front of him. “Hey, Dipper. I know I was harsh on you before. And if Steven gets hurt, I will destroy those responsible. But you had a right to be worried. Steven can be intimidating before you realize what a softie he is. And him having gone through horrific events does not diminish the experiences you’ve had. I’m sorry I made it seem like it did.”

She held out her hand. Dipper shook it, his mind reeling. “O…Okay,” he managed to say.

Steven turned at the sound of his voice. “Right, introductions. Dipper, this is Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst, Peridot, Bismuth, Lapis, Connie, and Jasper. And that lion is Lion. Everyone, this is Dipper. Wait, Connie, do you guys know each other?”

At which point Mabel burst into the room. “Look Dipper! I bedazzled my grappling hook!” She held it out. It was coated in glitter.

The hug came apart and Bismuth knelt in front of Mabel. “A grappling hook, huh. Mind if I take a look?” Mabel held it out proudly. “You know, I made a few of those during the war. Bigger than this one though, used ‘em to get up to the Sky Arena without using the warp.”

“A giant grappling hook? Can you make one with me?”

“Sorry Glitter, but I’d need a forge. You don’t happen to have one of those lying around do ya?”

“No… but Old Man McGucket does. He uses it to build his giant robots.”

“Really? Well maybe another time. We came here to see Steven.”

Steven smiled and waved his hand. “Go ahead Bismuth. We can talk later. Try not to break any anvils.”

Bismuth laughed as Mabel led her away. Mabel was going with a gem who they knew nothing about, in order to build a weapon. A gem who had helped imprison Bill. And who Steven trusted. Steven was more trustworthy then Dipper was. Dipper had Bill in his mind.

The blue gem spoke up. What was her name? Lettuce, Letpuce, no Lapis. “Aren’t we supposed to be talking to some guy about the barrier? We kind of need Bismuth for that.”

“Eh, we’ll be fine.” Peridot swiped around on a rectangle that was strapped to her arm.

Steven held up the basket and looked at Connie. “There’s this cool platform on the roof. It feels a lot like the hand of the Temple. You up for a picnic?”

“You know it!” Connie and Steven set off.

Dipper looked at the gems. The gems looked at Dipper. Dipper swallowed. Could gems smell fear? Maybe. Steven had never said anything about it. Grunkle Stan walked into the kitchen, past the gems, and poured himself a cup of coffee. Then he slowly looked up.

“You guys Steven’s family?”

Amethyst grunted. “Yeah, why?”

“Can you come with me, there was some stuff I wanted to ask you about. Dipper, can you show the ones that did the barrier stuff the basement. Ford should be down there.”

Dipper knew he should be focusing on the conversation. Peridot and Lapis were explaining how they activated the barrier. It would help if he knew Bill was unable to escape. But while he could hear the words, and he knew what they meant, he could not process the discussion. In the end, Great Uncle Ford seemed satisfied. That would have to be enough. The conversation moved to gem technology and powers. Water, metal, nothing about smelling fear. It should have been fascinating. It was not. Dipper excused himself. There was barely a break in the conversation.

Dipper was walking past the break room when he heard muttering.

“-the hell drafts a child in a war? At least I tried to keep the kids out of it. What were you thinking?” Dipper poked his head inside. Grunkle Stan was standing in front of Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl.

Pearl sighed. “You’re right. He should have never had to go through any of that. It was unfair to him. He was forced to deal with all of Rose’s mistakes.”

“It took too long to notice something was wrong.” Amethyst looked at the floor. “We almost lost him for good.”

Garnet gazed at Stan intensely. “But we’re trying to help him recover. He has a therapist and is taking time to find himself. And we will be there to support him every step of the way.”

“Alright then. So, about this therapy thing…”

Dipper started back down the hallway. He needed some fresh air.

Sitting outside was not helping his nerves. Usually when Dipper panicked, his thoughts were too loud. They overwhelmed him; he could think nothing else. This time, there was a singular voice. It was not loud, but it was all he could hear. 

Dipper pulled out his worm on a string. Clutched it tightly in his hand. “Why are you so upset? The gems haven’t done anything to show they were untrustworthy. They helped deal with Bill. They wouldn’t have had to do that if it weren’t for you. You don’t deserve to feel bad about this. So what if Steven is being supported and cared for? He gets to be. You don’t. You do not deserve closeness, comfort. Because you are wrong. You are wrong and broken and deserve to suffer. You-”

Lion cut Dipper off, nudging his head against the hand that was not holding the worm. Dipper started to pet the lion. The voice grew quitter. It did not go away completely, but it was enough that Dipper was no longer drowning. “Thank you,” he whispered softly. The lion yawned.

Amethyst came outside and sat on the step. “Hey, Dips. Whatcha thinking about?”

Dipper did not answer. He continued to pet Lion.

“You know, that Stan seems like a pretty great guy. Not afraid to speak his mind. Protective. You’re lucky to have him around.”

Dipper did not deserve Grunkle Stan’s support. He was hosting a demon.

“Has some self-worth issues. I get that. Dipper, if at any point he seems down on himself, I want you to tell him this. Just because you hate who you are today does not mean you always will. You have nothing to prove. Don’t regret being a part of this world. It’s better with you in it.” She stood up and walked away. Dipper got the feeling she had not been talking about Grunkle Stan at all.

He paused his scratching of Lion’s ears, closed his eyes, and raised his face towards the sun. Basked in it.

“I never understood Steven.” Dipper jumped. He had not heard Peridot approaching. “He never stopped trying to help me get better. He helped me figure out who I wanted to be. One time, he stayed up all night with me researching aromanticism. The Crystal Gems go to Beach City Pride every year. He got me an asexual flag for my first parade. Once you figure out who you are, the people who care about you support that person.”

Dipper resumed his petting.

“Ford tells me that you’re good at puzzles. There’s a game on my tablet that I cannot solve. Would you be able to help me?”

Dipper explained how Suduko’s worked. He and Peridot worked together to solve some of the puzzles. It was calming.

“Dipper come here,” Mabel called. “Where should we put this?” She was helping Bismuth roll a giant grappling hook canon down the road. It was covered in swirls of glitter.

They ended up putting it at the base of the totem pole, pointed towards to road.

“Wanna do a practice shot?” Bismuth was smiling.

“YEAH!”

“Alright then, Hey Lapis, mind making us a target?”

Water lifted off the ground and formed a target in midair. The manipulation of water. As Bismuth showed Mabel how to aim the grappling hook, Lapis came and stood next to Dipper. “You know, Lapis Lazuli’s were for terraforming. I destroyed countless planets when I worked for Homeworld.” Dipper shivered. “My powers have not changed at all. Just how I use them. You can’t run from who you are, from things you have done. You have to face them, accept them. It makes it easier to move forward.” 

The grappling hook fired. A bullseye. The target exploded and water fell on everyone. Mabel and Bismuth high-fived. Mabel tackled Dipper in a hug and Bismuth smiled at them. “See what I mean. Just because the need is different, doesn’t mean your skills are worthless.”

Pearl stepped out of the Shack and paused. Then she pulled towels out of her forehead and handed them to the twins. “Seems you two are fans of anarchy and weapons. Did you know I thought myself how to swordfight in order to help start a rebellion?” Mabel’s eyes went wide and Dipper found himself reaching for a pen. “I was supposed to be an accessory. A servant. But I realized that I can be more. Do more than anyone ever expected. Surprise everyone, even myself. I turned my back on what I was told I had to be. I set myself free.” 

Bill said Dipper had to work for him in order to have any worth. Was that true? Maybe he could be something else. Something more. Take his abilities and utilize them. Change what he was meant to do. Maybe his family could accept the new Dipper. Maybe he could.

Steven and Connie joined them on the yard. Steven glanced around. “Where’s Jasper?”

They found Jasper in town, yelling at people. 

“-and if you lay a finger on him, he will kick your ass! And then I will kick what’s left of it! You got that?”

Steven walked up to her, smiling. “Thanks Jasper. I think they got it.”

“I will tear out all your hairs individually, like blades of grass!”

“Okay Jasper.” Steven put a hand on her arm and turned to look at everyone. “I mean we’re already here. Might as well grab dinner. My treat. Any good restaurants or food stands around here?”

Which was how Dipper found himself at Greasy’s Diner with his family and the Crystal Gems. Lazy Susan did not bat an eye at the group, merely sat them down and took their orders. Amethyst ate her entire meal in one bite, and Steven had to stop her from eating the plate. Manly Dan came up and started talking to Peridot about her plant blog. Lapis was playing with the water and Bismuth was telling Mabel about how to properly care for the grappling hook. Pearl was eagerly discussing gem culture with Ford. Connie was listing various loopholes Grunkle Stan could use to avoid charges. Jasper took a bunch of mints from the bowl on the counter and dropped them into Mabel’s Pitt Cola, like a gem version of Bill Nye the Science Guy. It was peaceful. A few times, Dipper found himself smiling.

Garnet came up to Dipper while Steven was paying. Her visor vanished and she looked at him with three eyes. “Do not condemn yourself for problems you did not cause. You don’t need to hold yourself together for other people. You are allowed to fall apart. Your loved ones will be there to help put you back together.” She waved her fingers in front of her face and the visor reappeared. Mabel offered Dipper the rest of the nachos.

Everyone went outside. Steven had ordered a bunch of Lion Lickers and Lion pounced on them. There were individual goodbyes, and hugs, and happy tears. Soon it looked less like a group hug and more like a dogpile.

Steven pulled away and shook his arms. He checked his phone. “Volleyball is all set to pop the bubble once you guys get there. You ready to go.”

Lapis and Amethyst both did finger guns. Pearl and Peridot nodded, Bismuth and Garnet agreed. Connie gave a thumbs up and Lion sneezed.

Jasper looked Steven in the eye. “Yes, Steven Universe.”

A giant smile spread across Steven’s face. He reached out and formed a bubble around the group. “I love you all. Bye.” He tapped the top and the bubble vanished.

When he got into bed, Dipper realized Steven had never told him about the kaiju. Of course. Why would he? Dipper was a monster. The gems had said that was okay. That he could be better, that he could be more. Maybe that was true for them. That did not mean it was true for Dipper. But Steven did answer his other questions. Why? Why would Steven tell him anything? Why would Steven trust him? Bill was inside of him.

Dipper’s mouth felt dry. His happy mood was gone. He lay down and prepared for another round of nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the crystal gems are here to teach dipper life lessons. it does not work.
> 
> this ended up being a lot longer than i expected and i regret nothing
> 
> don’t mind me, im just fitting as much crystal gems into this chapter as possible while still reaching my dipper angst quota
> 
> no cops at pride, just the crystal gems
> 
> chemistry is good for jasper cause there are directions and rules, but also stuff blows up
> 
> i want to thank all of you for the support and love you are giving this fic. it means so so much. (1000 kudos????? you are all insane)
> 
> take a deep breath and do some stretches


	13. I’m Dreaming of Going

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone has been missing. It’s time to track them down.

Dipper pretended like everything was fine. Like he was not hosting a villainous demon. He and Mabel and a water balloon fight. They sang karaoke. They enjoyed themselves. Then Mabel noticed that Waddles was missing.

Dipper had seen Waddles in the kitchen the night before. Dipper had been the last one to see Waddles. He had lost Mabel’s pig. He had not been good enough. He was horrible. He was hurting his sister.

They searched the property but found nothing. They asked customers, but none of them had seen a pig. Waddles was gone.

“We need to split up.” Grunkle Ford strapped a ray gun to his waist. “Soos and Wendy, stay here. Call us if he shows up. Stan, you take Mabel and look around town. I can go check some of my traps.”

That meant Great Uncle Ford would be exploring on his own. He could get hurt. If Dipper had not been there, Ford would have been sent to outer space. If Dipper had not been there, the trap would not have been set off. 

Steven interrupted Dipper’s train of thought. “You shouldn’t go alone. Something could happen. You don’t want to be stranded alone.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. These traps were recently put up, nothing I can’t handle. Go with Dipper and ask the creatures we are on good terms with if they’ve seen Waddles. We’ll meet back here in five hours.”

Ford walked out the door. Stan led Mabel to the car. Steven waved his arm towards the door. “Lead the way.”

They found Sev’ral Timez at the base of a waterfall.

Steven starred at the members for a moment, watching them swim and lounge. He shuddered. “This feels like the human zoo.”

Human zoo. That had been one of Steven’s stories. A race of aliens that kept humans in captivity in honour of dead royalty. Dipper felt a shiver race down his spine. Was that normal fear or was it Bill? Never mind all that. Focus on Mabel. He stepped forward. “Have any of you seen Waddles?”

“Sorry Dipper, haven’t seen him since last summer.”

“We haven’t seen Mabel since last summer either.”

“Maybe ask the gnomes. Shmebulock knows a lot of secrets.”

They did not go ask the gnomes.

They were headed towards the Multibear’s cave when a tree started to fall towards them. Dipper knew he should run. Knew he should get out of the way. Instead, he closed his eyes. Hopefully Mabel would be alright without him.

Nothing happened. Dipper opened his eyes. Steven had summoned a barrier around them. Dipper had done nothing. Dipper had accepted that he would die. Dipper was a failure. A coward. Weak. He had been unable to stop Bill. Now he could not react to a falling tree. If Bill came back, Dipper would be useless.

"Dipper the Destroyer? You cannot be here. Not until you are a real man." It was Chutzpar. Dipper resisted the urge to scream. Of course, they would run into the manotaurs. Why would anything go well for him? He was horrible. He hosted Bill. He had lost Waddles. He hurt Mabel. The one thing he was not supposed to do.

"What's this?" Beardy poked Dipper in the chest. Dipper looked down at his vest. His vest with his pin. His trans pin. He felt his stomach drop. 

“Isn’t that the transgen-” Dipper turned a ran away.

He jumped over tree roots and ducked under branches. His breath was ragged. He ran until he could go no further. He sat down on a nearby stump.

Breath in, hold, out. In, hold, out. It was not working.

Fiddle with his worm on a string. Pink, because it was Mabel’s favourite colour and she thought it would help him. Pink like Waddles, who he had lost. The texture felt wrong against his skin. “Makes sense that it feels wrong. Bill is a part of you. Everything you do is wrong. You are wrong.”

"Dipper, are you okay?" Dipper spun around, nearly dropping the worm on a string. Steven approached him slowly.

Was he okay? No, but it did not matter. He did not matter. What mattered was Mabel, and he had hurt Mabel. 

Dipper could not let Steven know. If Steven knew, Steven would hate him. Fear him. Hurt him. But he could not pretend like he was fine, not when Steven had seen him panic. "Yeah I just... I'm pretty sure they all know I'm trans now."

"Why is that a problem?"

"Well, they're all about manliness. And..."

"Dipper, I'm going to level with you. I don’t understand the need to be manly. You are who you are. That’s the end of it."

"It's not the fact they won't see me as manly, I already accepted that. But there are people who hate me purely for being trans." Dipper bit his lip. "People used to have these expectations for what I was going to be like when I grew up. I just feel like I'm letting them down."

"I do understand that. For years, I thought I was supposed to be my mom. First it was with the gems. Then I gave myself over to Homeworld. When the Diamonds found out mom was Pink Diamond, they tried to bring her back. They thought if they treated me like they used to treat her, that she would come back. But I managed to convince them that I was my own person. That I didn't have to be Rose Quartz, or Pink Diamond. That I was more than that part of me."

The broadcast, where White Diamond had said Steven would be taking his throne. Steven, who was in Gravity Falls, so probably refused. "How did you get them to understand."

Steven shut his eyes for a moment. "I don't think it will work for you; it involved my gem. But I can promise you this. Eventually, people will realize and accept who you are. And if they hate your guts, it's okay, because you will be yourself. That’s all that really matters." Steven put his hand on Dipper's shoulder. "When you’re ready, let's go ask them if they've seen Waddles."

Dipper was not ready. He wanted to curl up under a blanket and never come out. But Mabel needed him. He had to fix what he had done. He stood up. Squeezed his worm on a string, put it back in his pocket, and lead Steven back towards the Man Cave.

When they went inside, a pot was sitting over a fire in the middle of the room. There were trans flags hanging on the walls.

Pituitary noticed them. "Look! Dipper the Destroyer has returned."

Dipper knew he was not supposed to be here. He had failed to kill the Multibear. He had walked away from the manotaurs expectations for him. "I just wanted to ask you guys a quick question. Have any of you seen-"

Leaderaur stepped into the room. Dipper clenched his hands into fists to try and keep them from shaking. "Before you ask questions you must undergo the Ceremony. Come forward, Dipper the Destroyer."

Dipper looked at Steven. Steven shrugged. This did not seem safe. They should leave. Before he makes an even bigger mess. They could go back to the Mystery Shack.

And face Mabel. And when she asked if they had found Waddles, Dipper would have to tell her that he did not ask because he was broken. That he had done nothing, then run away. Mabel could not know he was broken. Dipper squared his shoulders and stepped towards Leaderaur. He was afraid. Terrified. Leaderaur was not Bill, but he could crush him with a finger. 

This could get them information on Waddles. Dipper had to try.

Leaderaur dipper a finger into the pot. It came out covered in a golden liquid. "Hold out your hand."

Dipper swallowed. This was for Waddles. This was for Mabel. He held out his hand and waited for the burning liquid to be poured onto his flesh. Maybe it was acid and would eat away his skin. Or a potion without an antidote.

Leaderaur started to draw on Dipper's hand. The liquid was not burning. It was barely warm. "Today, I declare that Dipper the Destroyer has proven himself. In Red Bull I proclaim that he is now a true man." Leaderaur stepped back. The symbol for man was on Dipper's hand. Drawn in Red Bull by the leader of the manotaurs.

"Dipper! Dipper!" The manotaurs were chanting. Steven gave him a thumbs up.

This made no sense. Dipper did not deserve this. He had not done anything to prove himself. He had not killed the Multibear, and he did not regret it. He had lost Waddles. He was the reason Bill nearly succeeded. He was Bill's puppet. Bill was inside of him. "I don't deserve this."

He said it quietly, but everyone seemed to have heard him.

Chutzpar knelt so that he was looking Dipper in the eye. "Yes. You do. The Ceremony is performed after you overcome a great trial to prove you are a man. You have had to fight harder than any of us to do so."

The manotaurs accepted who Dipper was. They thought more of him because of it. Would his family do the same if they knew about Bill? Could they grow to accept that he had changed?

Or maybe Bill had never been inside him in the first place. Maybe he had been overreacting, blowing things out of proportion. Maybe all of this was over nothing.

No. It was not nothing. Bill was in there. Dipper could tell. He was waiting for the perfect moment to reach out and take control. Waiting to turn Dipper into a demon.

“So, Dipper the Destroyer.” Testosteraur slammed his hand onto Dipper’s shoulder. Dipper jumped. It was not a flinch; he had merely been startled. He had no reason to flinch. “What was it you wished to ask?”

“Oh… we… I… I was just wondering if any of you had seen Mabel’s pig.”

“Four legs, pink, cuddly?”

“Y…Yeah. That’s him.” Dipper had to control his breathing. He could not lose control now. He had to keep it together.

“We saw that creature a few days ago. We tried to chase it down, but it ran onto the middle of the lake to escape us.”

Steven reached out his hand. Testosteraur moved away from Dipper in order to shake it. “That must have been Lion. Unless Waddles can walk on water too. Dipper, can Waddles walk on water?”

“What? No.”

“Then it was Lion.” Steven turned to the rest of the manotaurs. “Thank you for having us here. The Ceremony for Dipper was very thoughtful and means a lot, but we need to get going. You guys should try yoga.” Steven wrapped his arm around Dipper’s shoulders and lead him out of the cave.

They walked for a few minutes in silence. Dipper got control over his breathing. He took a deep breath.

“Thank you… for… for getting me out of there.”

“No problem. Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, I just… am really worried about Waddles.”

Steven looked unconvinced. Was Dipper not good enough at hiding it? Could Steven tell something was going on? What would Dipper say if he got asked about it? He had to keep it secret. Keep it hidden. He had to keep it hidden. For Mabel.

Then Steven nodded. “Hopefully the others had better luck.”

Soos came up to them as they neared the Mystery Shack. He shook his head. Which meant they had not found Waddles. Which meant Waddles was gone.

Dipper walked towards Mabel and their Grunkles, who were sitting on the porch steps. Mabel was crying. Dipper had caused this. He had hurt Mabel. He did not need Bill’s help to be a horrible person.

Grunkle Stan handed Mabel another tissue. “Why don’t we go inside. We can make Wanted Posters for him.”

Ford rolled his eyes. “You mean Missing Posters?”

“Eh, close enough. Come on kiddo.” Grunkle Stan opened the door of the Mystery Shack and lead Mabel towards the living room. Dipper stayed behind her.

“Waddles!” Mabel perked up and ran into the living room. Sitting in the chair were Waddles and Abuelita. Mabel grabbed Waddles and hugged him tightly.

“Oh, Soos, you are done early. Sorry Waddles, we will have to finish the entry tomorrow.”

“What entry? You aren’t fixing doors again are you?” Soos glanced suspiciously at the nearby doorframes.

“Oh no. We like to read your diary well you are busy at work. Usually we walk to the park, but you all left so we had the place to ourselves. Go sit down at the table, I made pasta for dinner.”

If Waddles had been with Abuelita, it meant Dipper had not lost Waddles. Instead, he let everyone think Waddles had been missing. He should have known better. Should have asked where Abuleita was. Should have realized that Waddles could not get outside.

Dipper had caused everyone to waste their day. He was unsure how much he would be able to eat.

Everyone was gathered around the television watching Ducktective reruns when Steven’s phone went off. He slipped out of the room for a few minutes and came back looking subdued.

“Yellow says she needs the missing shards in order to repair the Carnelian. You said there was a severed head somewhere that the shard are animating?”

Ford nodded. “Yes, Larry King’s wax head lives in the vents. We can track him down tomorrow. I think we did enough today.”

Meaning Dipper had wasted everyone’s time today and now they could not deal with an important issue.

Steven nodded. “That makes sense. Missions always went better when I was getting enough sleep.”

It made sense logically. Sleep and be well rested for the next day. But all that awaited Dipper at night was Bill. He wanted to argue. To insist they go searching now. Do a simple adventure. One with no risk of Mabel hating him, or everything being destroyed.

But today has been emotionally draining for Mabel. And Mabel’s needs came first. Which meant they would deal with Larry King in the morning.

After the episode finished, Ford sent the twins to bed so they would be ready to track down the statue the next day.

Mabel stayed up for a bit, working on a new sweater. Dipper scrolled through some conspiracy blogs he had been neglecting. An hour later, they turned off the lights. Dipper fell asleep to the sound of Waddles snoring.

He woke up to the sound of Mabel hyperventilating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to LovelyLorelei for reminding me that Waddles exists
> 
> Waddles and Abuelita like to read diaries together. their favourite, after Soos of course, is Tad Strange.
> 
> i know i say it a lot, but im still blown away by how much you guys are enjoying this. it makes me excited to write more.
> 
> you are so so valid and appreciated. the world is better with you in it.


	14. Going…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven contemplates the morality of sending Jasper after someone and other harmless shenanigans.

“Mabel, what’s wrong? Is everything okay?” Dipper sat down on Mabel’s bed and put an arm around her shoulder.

“It’s…it’s G-Gideon.” She held out her phone. “Somehow, he got my number and started messaging me.”

“Can’t you block him?”

“I did, but he has a bunch of numbers.” Her breath was heavy.

“Mabel, breathe with me okay. In, 2, 3, 4, 5. Hold, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.” Her breathing calmed and Mabel pulled Waddles onto her lap. 

Dipper had no solution. He was supposed to have a solution. He was supposed to help Mabel when something happened. Supposed to deal with Gideon. Instead, he squeezed her arm. “Why don’t we get something to eat?”

Mabel nodded and let go of Waddles. The three of them made their way to the kitchen. They sat at the table but did not move to get food.

Steven walked in and studied Mabel’s face. “What’s going on?”

Mabel shook her head. Dipper spoke up. “This creepy guy, Gideon, is obsessed with Mabel. Somehow he got her number and now he’s bothering her.”

“He didn’t listen when you told him you weren’t interested?”

“He... he tried to kill Dipper for coming between us. And built a giant robot. And tried to blow us up with fireworks. And…” Mabel trailed off. Dipper could see tears in her eyes.

“How old is this guy?” 

“He’s almost eleven.”

Steven frowned. “That’s too young for me to punch in the face or threaten. Guess I’ll have to talk with him.”

Dipper shivered. Weirdmaggedon. Mabel trapped in a bubble. The key around Gideon’s neck. “I tried that. I managed to convince him that keeping Mabel prisoner isn’t love but...”

“But he’s still bothering her.” Something in Steven’s eyes made Dipper stiffen. He felt very glad he was not Gideon.

Then Mabel made a strangled noise. “He’s calling, what do I do what do I do what do I do?”

Steven took the phone from Mabel’s hand and answered. “You should not have this number. No, this is not Mabel. This number is essential for communication between Earth and Homeworld. Call again and you will be dealt with accordingly. Goodbye.” He hung up and handed the phone back to Mabel. “If he bothers you again, I’ll send Jasper after him.”

“Th…thank you, but… my phone isn’t important to gem communication. You lied to him.”

“Of course not. If something were to happen to my phone and I needed to contact the gems, I might have to use yours. Him bothering you could interfere.” Steven winked at Dipper and walked over to the fridge. “What do you two want for breakfast?”

Steven had managed to fix the situation. Mabel was safe. It was okay. There was nothing to worry about. Gideon would back off and everything would be fine. Right?

Unless it just made Gideon angry. And he decided to take it out on them.

Or do something worse. Gideon had summoned Bill to steal the Mystery Shack. Made a deal with him in order to have Mabel.

Never mind all that. They had a statue to deal with.

Soos suggested using the crystal flashlight so that they would not have to tear the Mystery Shack ventilation system apart. While the others argued over who would go, Dipper ran upstairs to grab the flashlight from his bag.

They argued about whether Mabel and Dipper should be allowed to go. If they should be left out of it because they were kids. This was ridiculous. Every moment that was wasted, was a moment lost. A moment less to solve the problem. A moment for Bill to grow stronger.

“Hello. I heard you all talking about me and thought I would see what was going on.” The head sat behind the grate in the living room.

Steven reacted first, approaching with his arms held up. “Carnelian. I’m Steven Universe. I can help you reunite with your other shards. You don’t need to be alone or missing any pieces. You can be whole again.”

Larry King stuck out his tongue. Laying on it was a gem shard. Steven took it gingerly, and the head went still. It had been so simple. Why was it so simple?

Steven turned towards them, smiling softly. “The shards just want to be whole again. Now Yellow can heal her.” Steven’s phone buzzed. He checked it and his face split into a huge grin.

After bubbling the shard and sending it off, Steven went into town. Part of Dipper wanted to follow, wanted to investigate. But Mabel had been attacked earlier today. Gideon had hurt her. He had to make sure she was okay.

“Don’t worry Dipper. I already had an appointment booked with Grenda’s mom today. I can talk to her about it.”

Mabel did not need him anymore. She had Steven to deal with threats and someone else to talk to about her problems. All Dipper did was put her at risk. Put everyone at risk.

Dipper spent the day wandering aimlessly around the Shack. He could hear the ghost of Bill’s laughter ringing in his ears.

Mabel ended up calling to ask Grunkle Stan if she could sleep over at Candy’s house. The attic felt empty without her.

At lunch the next day, Abuleita pointed out to him that Steven had never returned. Dipper could not find the energy to care.

Mabel came back smiling and laughing. Dipper felt hollow.

That evening, Mabel set up the karaoke system. They were a few songs in when Steven walked into the living room. He smiled at them all and sat down on the floor.

Stan frowned. “Where were you last night kid?”

“My dad was in town, so he rented a motel room and I stayed with him. It had free ice. Sadie and Shep had a show nearby so he came to visit.”

“Why didn’t you call us dude?” Soos held out one of the pizza boxes.

Steven took a slice. “I guess I didn’t think of it. Never really had to before. The gems would leave me alone overnight when I was younger so…”

The group fell silent and Dipper pulled out his worm on a string. 

Mabel held up the microphone. “I guess that means it’s Steven’s turn.”

“Why don’t you pick for me.”

Mabel ended up settling on Cray Cray. Steven did not know the song, but he managed to follow along. He laughed once it was over. “Wait, were those the guys we met in the woods?”

“Yeah.” Dipper wound the worm on a string through his fingers.

“It was different from what I’m used to.”

Mabel tilted her head. “What type songs do you normally sing?”

“Emotion based.”

“I’ve never heard of that band. Now everyone has gone except…” Mabel’s eyes narrowed. “Come on Grunkle Ford, you need to sing.” She handed him the microphone and started to flip through songs.

“Stop. That one, Kerry Moonbeam.”

Mabel hit play. The music was slow and had a lilt to it. Great Uncle Ford glanced at Mabel then started to sing. Dipper froze at the lyrics.

“Looking for your place in the universe. Don’t you know the universe is looking too. Looking for its place in you.”

Bill. Dipper had tried to move forward, tried to forget. Tried to find himself. But Bill would not go away. Bill wanted to destroy the universe and had a place inside of him.

“And now it’s coming through. Your dream is coming true.”

Bill swore he would be freed. That Dipper would stand at his side. That Dipper had no other purpose to fulfill.

“Welcome to the party Mr. Universe.

This party never stops. Time is dead and meaning has no meaning. Existence is upside down and I reign supreme. 

Dipper could hear Bill’s laughter echoing around him.

“Anything that you can be, the things you see and cannot see are Mr. Universe. Mr. Universe.” The song faded away and Dipper tried to control his breathing.

“Mr. Universe? Hey, that’s like you.” Mabel turned and frowned. Why was she frowning? Was it something Dipper had done? It must have been. Maybe the song had made her realize what a threat he posed, what a risk he was. That she would be better off without him. “Steven, where are you going?”

Dipper looked towards Steven. He was staggering towards the door. “I… I’m going to head to bed. Goodnight everyone.”

The mood was subdued after that. Mabel suggested that they do a group number then turn the system off. She chose Babba. But Dipper could not focus on the music.

That night, Dipper looked up the original version of the song Ford had sung. Listening to a stranger sing the words was worse. At least Ford’s voice and been familiar. Dipper turned it off. But that did not stop the lyrics from playing in his head over and over as he tried to sleep.

Your dream is coming true…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, this chapter is late. something came up and i needed to take a day off. also, i like posting on odd numbered days, i don’t know why.
> 
> originally this was going to have dipper meeting greg but then i realized i could have him interact with mr. universe a different way
> 
> ford 100% listened to the song after the portal incident and connected to the way it talked about the universe
> 
> even when times are hard, good things happen. try to remember that.


	15. Going…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven is Done with this gem stuff. Dipper can’t bring himself to notice.

Dipper was jumpy the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that. Whenever he was starting to relax, something would remind him of the demon inside his mind. Ford humming the song under his breath. Mabel sneaking up on him. The Bill themed decorations around the Shack. Soos had been working on replacing them, but some remained. Every time they thought it was all gone, another would appear. Dipper had wandered into the old wax statue room. The light cast a triangle on the floor. Dipper was very close to smashing the window.

It would not be hard. He had smashed glass before. All it would take was winding up his arm and throwing the golf ball.

What golf ball?

Dipper opened his clenched hand. He was holding one of the golf balls from Attic Stuff Mini-Golf. He could not remember picking it up. He must have been in the attic at the time. When had that happened? Earlier today? He had been wandering, his thoughts floating. Voices could be heard but they had no meaning. Gone into the attic to escape. Picked up the ball. Come here. Dipper could remember the actions, but they felt disconnected. It had been like a dream.

Or possession.

Dipper raised his eyes towards the window. He could see Bill, frozen in the glass. The golf ball hit the floor. He ran away.

Steven gave Wendy a signed copy of a Sadie Killer and the Suspects album, as well as some of the lead singers new music. She played it on the shack phonograph. Dipper tried not to think about how Robbie used brainwashing to manipulate Wendy. Bill manipulating everyone. Bill inside of Dipper’s brain.

They were eating dinner and Dipper felt exhausted. He was not hungry. The food had flavour and the flavour was ash. All he wanted to do was curl up beneath the covers of his bed and lay in silence.

Steven lay down his fork. “Mabel, when you were collecting the gem shards, did you get every piece?”

“Yep. Took some effort to find all the really little ones, but I got them all. Why?”

“Yellow says there’s a piece still missing. I’m trying to think of where it might be. Did you use all the shards when making the sweater?”

“I mean I think so. I can go grab the box and check.” Mabel ran off and Steven frowned thoughtfully at his plate, as if the macaroni would tell him where to look.

The shard was not in the shoebox. Which meant it had probably fallen off of the sweater. The sweater which had been all across town. And the gem shard was supposed to be very small. Finding it would require a lot of work.

Maybe it would distract Dipper from the possibility Bill was controlling him.

The next day, they decided to walk into town, to see if the shard had fallen alongside the road. Hopefully it would be there. The sweater had been powerful and dangerous. Had it not been for Steven, it might have strangled someone. Dipper had to find the shard before it attached to anything. Before he could hurt anyone. No, before it could hurt anyone.

Dipper would not let himself hurt anyone. He refused.

But he had picked up that golf ball somehow.

Dipper kept his head down, his eyes scanning the grass. Mabel was humming one of the Suspect songs under her breath. Grunkle Stan had insisted Mabel take one ditch and Dipper take the other, to reduce the risk of being hit by a car. He and Steven had each taken a side of the road, and Ford was watching out for any vehicles.

It was hot and it was sticky and there was sweat dripping down Dipper’s back. The grass was starting to blend together. It all looked the same. He thought he saw a glint of red. When he bent down to investigate, it turned out to be a ladybug.

They made it to the police station with no sign of the shard. Dipper felt woozy. Was it was from the heat or from how last summer Bill had stood here and burned the Journals? Been here and turned Great Uncle Ford into a golden statue. Physically floated where Dipper currently stood and told the henchmaniacs to eat him.

The shard. Dipper had to find the gem shard.

Mabel sat down beneath one of the trees. Dipper had been slammed against that tree. A spike of pain flashed through his shoulder. Bill’s laughter rang in his ears. Dipper clutched his worm on a string.

There was no sign of the shard. Great Uncle Ford knelt in front of Steven. “I know this might be hard to hear, but I don’t think we’re going to find it.”

Steven simply nodded. “I’ll tell Yellow to heal the Carnelian now. When the other shard turns up, she can attach it.”

“When. Not if?”

“Gem monsters aren’t exactly subtle. It will turn up sooner or later. Especially since it can’t leave the area.”

Steven started back towards the Shack. Dipper tried to shake the feeling that Bill was watching them go.

The problem with all walking to town was that they all had to walk back. They looked half-heartedly, but the mood was subdued. Mabel was no longer humming, and they walked in single file along the side of the road.

If the shard was not here, it could be anywhere. Perhaps Mabel had missed it in her initial sweep for shards. Perhaps a bird had picked it up, or it had gotten stuck in a tire. Perhaps the gnomes found it and had taken it away. Dipper had let the Carnelian down. He was supposed to be able to help, to make up for all the damage he had caused. If he could not do something as simple as find a piece of a gem, how was he ever going to stop Bill from taking over?

Perhaps he could not.

They were almost back to the Mystery Shack when Mabel veered away. She stopped in front of the bottomless pit. “Guys, what if it fell in there? If the sweater went over it and the shard came off, it might be falling.”

Falling in an empty blackness. Telling stories. Teasing each other and laughing. When was the last time Dipper had laughed?

“Only one way to find out.” Steven jumped into the pit.

“Steven, no!” Mabel went to jump after him.

Dipper grabbed her arm. “What are you doing? He’s going to be fine. He’ll fall for a bit then come back out as if no time has passed.”

“Dipper, he doesn’t know that.” She pulled her arm free and leapt into the pit after Steven.

Dipper needed to protect Mabel. He had to keep her safe. What if something had broken the pit and she never came out. Steven had not come back yet. The pit had probably been damaged by Weirdmaggedon. By Bill. Because of Dipper.

Never mind all that. 

Dipper jumped after Mabel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i changed the upload schedule to once every three days.
> 
> im currently waiting for more kneecaps to be delivered, but do have some shins available
> 
> there’s a thunderstorm going on right now and it smells nice
> 
> me: dipper needs a chance to have an actual conversation  
> me: shove him in the pit
> 
> close your eyes and take four deep breaths. you can do this


	16. Going Somewhere Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Bottomless Pit. The perfect place to tell stories and regret life decisions.

Darkness.

Wind.

Falling.

“Mabel! Mabel, where are you?”

A voice rang out to Dipper’s left. He turned his head but could not see her through the darkness. “Dipper? What are you doing here?”

He was terrified of losing her. Of something happening and him not being there. Of her getting hurt. Of him hurting her. “Figured I could keep you company.” What is she was not really here? What if he was imagining her?

“Kids. What were you thinking?” Stan’s voice came from above.

“Great Uncle Ford? Grunkle Stan?” Why were they here? Were they to restrain Dipper if he got out of control? Here to imprison him and send him away like he deserved?

“I had to tell you something about the bottomless pit. You don’t always come out at the same time you fell in. It can be anytime within the next twenty-four hours. I didn’t want you to worry when you came out.”

“And I’m not going to leave you alone with my brother. No one deserves that.”

Mabel snorted. “Didn’t you live on a boat with him for a year?”

“Anyway, where’s Steven.”

“I’m right here.” Steven must be slightly below them. “Why did you follow me?”

“To tell you that this pit will eventually spit you back out the top. Anyone have a light source?”

“My phone has a flashlight, but it’s almost out of battery.”

A flashlight. Dipper took off his bag and reached inside. “Would this work?” He held out the crystal flashlight.

“Perhaps, but the possible side effects of using the flashlight in a pit that warps spacetime is dangerous. Maybe you should take off the crystal.”

“Or we could just use this glowstick. I never leave home without one.” Mabel pulled it out and snapped it. The pit was illuminated in a soft pink glow. He and Mabel were at the same height, their Grunkles were just above them. Steven floated up so that he was at Dipper’s level. Somehow, he was able to resist the effects of the pit, work against them. Was this another gem power?

“Fascinating.” Great Uncle Ford’s eyes lit up. “How are you able to counteract the pull of the pit?”

“I’m not. I can slow my fall, but I can’t fly up.”

Which meant Steven could not resist the effects of the pit, merely slow them down. But how was he able to fly? Could it be related to shapeshifting? Maybe he could make himself wings or use telekinesis on himself.

Maybe he could just float, the way Bill could.

“Oh, we can tell stories again. I’ll go first. It’s called Carpet Diem.” Mabel held the glowstick beneath her chin. “One time, me and Dipper were fighting over who got to have a cool new room we found in the Shack. Only the carpet was weird, and we ended up switching bodies. Grunkle Stan told us that whoever was nicer would get the room, so we both tried to be as mean as possible. But then Candy and Grenda came over and Dipper got to hang out with them while I had to be lonely. Soos ended up switching bodies with Waddles and we ended up switching back. Then we realized that neither of us wanted the new room so we both stayed in the attic.”

“One time I accidently switched bodies with my friend Lars. I tried to make his life better, he stayed asleep the entire time.”

“That is very interesting, but you need to wait your turn.” Mabel handed the glowstick to Grunkle Stan. “Now you tell a story.”

“Okay. This is called Grunkle Stan Saves Everyone.”

“Stanley, maybe you shouldn’t talk about…”

“Don’t worry. You don’t even have to break any rules to tell me. Connie got interested in Gravity Falls law after I told her about how you can marry woodpeckers. The act says that if anyone asks what happens, you say never mind all that. If no one asks, then the act does not apply.”

“That girl is something else. Seems like she could topple a government in a couple days.”

“She already did. I mean she had help but…” Steven fell silent and wrapped his arms around himself.

Grunkle Stan paused, looking at Steven worriedly. “Okay. How about I tell my story? So, this evil demon had gotten out right. And we had no way to stop him. Not in the physical world. But if we could get him in the mindscape, we could wipe him from existence. So, we tricked him into going in my mind, and then I punched him into oblivion. He turned into that stone statue you sent away and hasn’t been a threat since. Then Mabel restored my memory using her scrapbook.” 

Bill was still a threat. Dipper kept Bill alive. Did Grunkle Stan think sending away the statue would fix everything? Bill was still inside of him; he could feel it. It was getting harder to contain him. Harder to keep him from lashing out. Grunkle Stan did not understand what Dipper was fighting constantly. How could he? Dipper was alone. With no one but Bill.

Stan held the glowstick towards Steven. “Are you okay with talking.” Steven nodded and took it. His face was lit up by the light.

“You know Steven,” Mabel said. “Pink is a really good colour for you.” Steven stiffened. “You are glowing. Positively radiant.”

The glowstick slipped from Steven’s hand’s. Stan grabbed it as it floated by and looked at Steven concerned. He could be concerned for Steven but not for Dipper. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want.”

“No, I… I want to tell you guys.” Steven reached out and Stan passed him the stick. “Do I need a title?”

Mabel nodded her head enthusiastically. Steven bit his lip and nodded. “Okay. Well. This is called… I don’t know… Teachers Deserve Better Pay. So, after we converted the gem empire to democracy, the Crystal Gems decided to open a school. I think I’ve mentioned it before. I was working there and working myself into the ground. After years of being there for others, I didn’t know how to deal with not being needed. I overworked and kept trying to take on more responsibilities. Or changing things that were already working. When the Off Colours graduated, I ended up deciding to retire. I wanted to take some time for myself. I thought it would help. But I kept getting worse and worse and worse. Nothing was working and I kept pushing people away. I hurt Jasper, badly. I was getting vengeful thoughts, and no one was able to help. I ended up having a big breakdown. A giant one.” Steven smiled, but it was not a happy smile. It was resigned and did not reach his eyes. Steven looked directly at Dipper. “My family realized that I had been hurting and managed to save me. They got me a therapist and helped me recover. A few months later, I decided to get out and travel. Then I wound up here.”

There was silence when Steven finished. From how he acted, it was almost impossible to tell all the pain and suffering he had gone through. It was way worse than anything Dipper had undergone. And Steven was handling it better. Dipper had no reason to overreact. That’s what he was doing. Overreacting. And his overreaction was hurting others. It had worried Mabel. Dipper was not allowed to do that.

Steven’s family had supported him. Helped him with his issues. Not left him alone, left it to handle himself.

Steven held the glowstick towards Ford. The intention was clear, he did not want to talk anymore. Ford took it and paused for a moment. “This is the story of one of my biggest mistakes. When I was young and foolish, I decided to try and solve the mysteries of the unusual. I wound up in Gravity Falls and started to experiment. I wound up contacting Bill. Not knowing what I was doing, I let him into my mind. It was amazing at first. I had the power to solve any question. Crack any code. Figure out any anomaly. But Bill started to take more and more control. Dictate more and more of what I did. Towards the end, I wasn’t sure if we were separate beings anymore. When I discovered his true plans, I shut my experiment down and underwent a surgery to have an aluminium plate put in my head to protect my mind. It kept him from re-entering and protected me from mind wipes. And that is one of my greatest mistakes. I should have gone with stainless steel.”

It started to get brighter. They were reaching the end of the pit.

Bill had taken control of Great Uncle Ford. He had been unable to stop it. How could Dipper? Bill had sworn he would return. Bill had used Ford to get into the world last time. Grunkle Stan had paid the price. If now he was using Dipper, that meant Mabel…

They came back out of the top. Panic was rising in Dipper’s throat. His body refused to inhale. The world had stopped spinning and was turning to fast. He stood up and ran towards the Shack. Staggered up the stairs and slammed the attic door shut. Fell onto his bed and let out a scream that turned into a cry.

“What are you doing? You have no right to be upset? Get a hold of yourself Pine Tree.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *does the macarena to the sound of screams*
> 
> my kneecaps have regenerated, but I have acquired a golf club and will fight to defend them
> 
> i know i say this a lot, but im still blown away by how this has been received. interacting with you and knowing there are people invested in this story means so much. it inspires me to write more. each and every one of you has contributed to this story.
> 
> take the time to do something you like


	17. Being…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s a Mental Breakdown *off-key kazoo*

Dipper dropped his bag on the bed and glared at the floor. If he refused to acknowledge his presence, maybe Bill would leave him alone. Alone so he could not hurt anyone. Alone so no one could hurt him.

“Relax, I’m not even really here. Still trapped in your subconscious. But you are so exhausted. You started hyperventilating then stopped breathing entirely, and your mind became muddled enough for me to slip through the cracks and talk. So, let’s have a chat.”

Dipper clasped his hands over his ears, trying to block out the noise. Instead it just rang louder in his skull.

“I’m disappointed in you Pine Tree, I really am. You used to be able to stand tall in the face of danger. Fight back against impossible odds. And you managed to win. Managed to defeat the big bad villain. But now the only villain left is you. And guess what Pine Tree? You can’t defeat this villain. How do you win a fight against yourself?”

Dipper fell to the floor and curled into a ball. Why was the voice so loud?

“I don’t even need to come back. Not really. Because you are the demon you fear. Your failure and your incompetence and your existence continues to inflict pain even after I’ve been gone for so long. I can never truly disappear. Not with you here to continue my work. To continue to spread chaos and pain.”

It was getting harder to breathe. As if Bill was holding him, squeezing as he chose whether to kill him or Mabel. Mabel.

He did not deserve her forgiveness. He did not want to be forgiven. But maybe Mabel could understand why Dipper had changed. Maybe if she understood, things would get better.

“None of them will ever be able to understand you. It’s for the best. If they knew how pitiful and dangerous and broken you are, they would know better than to support you. And you may not deserve their support, but you still crave it. Pathetic.”

Bill’s voice was growing fainter. “You are weak. You can never get rid of me. And it sucks. Even I don’t want to be stuck with someone like you.”

Dipper’s head was spinning but there was no longer any trace of Bill. He had been left alone to face the true demon. Himself.

Dipper pulled out his worm on a string. He ran it through his fingers and struggled to breathe. There was a ringing silence in his head. His thoughts were clear.

He started to talk out loud. Maybe to the worm on a string, maybe to himself. It did not matter.

“I think Bill might be right. Who am I kidding, of course he is. I am broken. So, so broken. Like a clay pot that someone smashed against the floor. Sure, the pieces of who I used to be are there. But there’s no fixing me.”

Dipper’s eyes stung but he had no tears to cry.

“I don’t know why I bother. I put all this effort into being there for my family and helping them. And it’s hard. It is so hard to face every day and pretend I’m not falling apart. I know they can tell. They talk about it when they think I can’t hear. Talk about how they’re worried for me and how I need help. And I do. I need help badly. But what am I supposed to say? That I went through something and sometimes it feels like it never ended.”

Bill had been gone for almost a full year. Bill had been inside of him for almost a full year. Why had he chosen now to reveal himself?

“I start to panic at the smallest things. Because someone mentions summoning demons or something. But it happens for no reason too. Like, I’ll be sitting at dinner and feel a sense of dread wash over me. Someone touches my arm unexpectedly and it feels like Bill is squeezing the life out of me. Mabel scream of joy sounds very similar to her cry of pain.”

Mabel’s screams had faded with time. She had recovered. So had everyone else. But not Dipper.

“I deserve the pain. All of this is my own fault. Everyone else has moved on. I am suffering because I can’t. Bill is still around because of me. And the strangest part? I don’t even care. The demon that haunts me is inside my head and I can’t bring myself to care about it. Because sure I have a demon, but other people have it worse.”

Great Uncle Ford who spent thirty years trapped in the portal. Old Man McGucket who went mad trying to forget. Grunkle Stan who had his memories wiped. Mabel who was trapped in the bubble. Steven who had been a child soldier fighting in an intergalactic war.

“Look at Steven. He went through horrible traumatic experiences. He went through so much and he can still smile without it feeling fake. Steven deserves to be helped. My family deserves to be helped. I don’t. I don’t deserve to be comforted or supported, because I did this. I should be strong enough to stand on my own.”

But he was not. He was a villain instead.

“I don’t deserve a redemption arc. But I want one. I want one so badly and that makes me worse. I just wish there was a way to make everyone understand. See how much I’m hurting and how I don’t deserve their help.”

All Dipper wanted to do was fade away and be ignored. Have a nap on the floor and not have nightmares. But that was not an option.

“I wish you were bigger. Then I could have you curl around me and I could avoid the world forever. But I can’t do that. Instead I have to go and face them and pretend everything is fine.”

He had to go tell Mabel that he was okay so that she would not worry. Dipper left the worm on a string on his bed and made his way down the stairs. 

He looked around the Shack, but no one was there. Had they left Dipper all alone? What if they had fallen into the pit again? Or driven away and left him behind?

Dipper went towards the bottomless pit, but they were not there either. Where else could they have gone? Had they finally abandoned him?

The need to run coursed through Dipper’s body. It burned through his limbs, the need to pick a direction and never turn back. He had to get away. Away from the memories. Away from the phantom screams he could hear. The forest called him.

He picked a direction at random and ran away from the Mystery Shack.

Dipper slowed down when he realized where he was heading. This was the direction Bill’s statue used to be. And he did not have the strength to go there. 

He sat down on a fallen tree and stayed there for a few minutes. Waiting for something to happen. For Bill to appear and make more threats.

Nothing happened. 

He stood up and started to walk back towards the Shack. He had no idea how much time had passed. He had left his bag in the attic, which meant he had no supplies. The forest felt more ominous then when Dipper ran into them. He was probably being paranoid again.

The birds had stopped chirping.

Dipper started to run.

He burst out of the woods. Everyone was standing in the parking lot.

“Where were you guys?”

“Dipper! You’re okay!” Mabel tackled him in a hug. “You went inside and then Waddles ran off, so we chased him, but he kept getting away and when we came back, we thought you had been kidnapped by some monster.”

He had to calm her down. “Don’t worry, I just went for a walk to clear my head. I needed some fresh air after the bottomless pit. Why did you think I was kidnapped?”

Mabel did not answer. Instead, she raised her finger and pointed towards the Shack. Half of the roof was gone. As if the top had been smashed apart.

Great Uncle Ford appeared next to them. Dipper had not noticed his approach. “Good you’re here. I need your help to solve this. The barrier we set up last summer should have repelled any outside attackers. And the roof looks as though it was blown away from inside your bedroom. Did you have anything that could have caused this?”

Stan joined the group. “Okay, I called Soos. He took Abuleita out to get a new mattress and missed whatever happened. Steven is checking to see if there’s anyone nearby.”

There was a large rustling noise behind Dipper. As if all the trees were being pushed aside by a creature. Probably the creature that broke the roof. A monster that was not Dipper. What if it was Bill? 

Dipper took a deep breath and turned around.

A raging pink worm was making its way out of the woods. A worm with a string. Dipper’s worm on a string.

It had grown significantly larger, and now Dipper could see something just above the googly eyes. In the one spot fidgeting would never touch, was red. The missing gem shard.

What had Dipper done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have nothing to say
> 
> *jumps in the getaway car* GO GO GO!
> 
> think of at least one positive things about yourself and remember it today


	18. Being…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper for Therapy 2020

“What is that thing?”

“I’ve never seen anything like it. Perhaps Bill’s presence set it free.” Great Uncle Ford was not wrong. Bill was inside of Dipper, and Dipper had done this.

He could sense Mabel had turned to face him, but he continued to stare at what he had created. “It looks like the worm on a string I gave you. We fight it off, Mystery Twin style. With your brain and my grappling hook.” She gasped. “Grappling hook.” Then she ran away. 

She left him. Left him to fend for himself. Of course, she did. To do otherwise would be foolish. Why would anyone stick around to him? He had caused this; he should be the only one to get hurt.

There was a whoosh of air above him, as a metal claw flew past and landed on top of the worm, trapping it. Dipper spun around. Mabel was standing behind the grappling hook she had built with Bismuth. “Grappling hook!”

The worm slammed angrily against the bars.

“What’s going on?” Steven landed in front of the group and held up his arms. He was probably evaluating how best to dispose of the threat posed by the worm and Dipper.

There was no way Dipper could ever be forgiven for what he had done. He had created a threat, on top of the one he already posed. His actions lead to the destruction of the Mystery Shack. He had kept Bill alive. “Sorry. I’m sorry. It’s my fault. It’s my worm on a string. I- sorry…” What else was there to say?

There was a long pause while Steven looked at the creature. It continued to struggle against the bars. It slammed its head against them, and Steven flinched. “Is that a gem shard? Dipper what did you say to activate it?”

Dipper was given no chance to reply. The worm managed to squeeze out of the prison and came towards them. Grunkle Stan cracked his knuckles. Great Uncle Ford pulled out a ray gun.

The worm’s head raised into the air, and the tail wrapped around Dipper’s torso. It pulled him forward, and then he was surrounded by pink fur. The worm had formed a protective shield around him, separating him from everyone.

He was safe.

The worm patted him on the head with its snout.

“DIPPER!” Mabel was upset. He had made her upset. But the cocoon was calmer. Everything was a soft pink, and fuzzy. There was no way for him to hurt anyone.

“We have to help him.”

“I don’t need help Mabel. I can just stay here.” Everything was fuzzy and safe. He could not hurt anyone more then he already had.

“What are you talking about? Grunkle Ford, shoot it.” She sounded close to tears. Why was she upset? And why should he care?

“We can’t attack without risking hurting Dipper.”

“It’s okay if I get hurt. As long as you all are okay.” Why was he being so honest? They were not supposed to know how he felt. It would only make them hate him more.

“This is for the best. Now you can all live out your happily ever afters, and I can stay here. Maybe Soos can turn me into an attraction. Then I’ll be good for something.”

“There’s no such thing as a fairy-tale happily ever after.” Steven’s voice cracked. “Life is complicated and messy. And it’s hard to move on from what happened. But Dipper, you need to face how you feel. You can’t lock it up. That just makes it worse.”

Dipper knew he made everything worse. That was what he did. But Steven had no right to point it out.

“You never should have had to fight. You’re a kid, the fate of the world never should have been on you.” It did not matter. He should not have had to suffer, but he did. These were the consequences. Did Grunkle Stan not understand that? “Don’t give up. It feels impossible. And sometimes you just want to call it quits. Don’t. It gets better. Even if it takes years, and things can never go back to how they used to be, they can get better.”

They could get better. That did not mean they would.

“I was more Bill’s puppet then you ever were. I built him the portal and gave him unlimited access to my body and mind.” But Bill was not trapped in Ford’s mind. He was trapped in Dipper’s. “I went mad trying to get rid of him. In the end, he escaped anyways.”

Was that supposed to be reassuring? “So, it’s hopeless.”

“No. You need to believe in yourself. Your will needs to be stronger than his, so you can keep him from gaining control.”

“Well I can’t okay. I know that what I’m doing is wrong, and that it’s hurting everyone, including me. I know that. But I don’t know what else to do. Bill is a part of me. I can’t get rid of him. And I’m not strong enough to stop him. Stop acting like I am!”

The worm unwound and loomed in front of him. Stood between Dipper and people he could hurt. Stood between Dipper and people who had hurt him.

It flopped down and nearly squished them.

“Dipper what the hell?” It was Mabel. “What are you doing?”

He was hurting her. All he did was hurt people. That was all he could do.

“I… I’m…” He was useless and hurt people and could not do anything. He spread suffering and caused pain. There was no reason for him to be here. He started to scream.

It was raw, full of anguish. He pushed all his fear and hatred and desperation into the screams. The worm stopped attacking and wrapped around him once more.

He felt like crying but could not bring himself to do so. He lay in silence. He had no idea for how long. It was an eternity and it was far too short. Mabel had started to talk and all he wanted to do was return to the blissful silence once more.

“Dipper. It’s okay to be afraid.” 

No, it was not. Other people were allowed to be hurt and afraid. He was not. Everyone else was more important than how he felt. 

“We don’t live in some perfect world, where everything can be easily fixed or brushed off. And that’s okay. Because we have each other to help us through it.” 

That was not true. He had been there; he had supported Mabel. He had stood by her side and watched her recover. But he was still hurting.

“It’s okay to not be strong enough. It’s okay to be in pain. If you want to stay in there, that’s okay. But please consider coming out. There is so much you will miss out on if you stay imprisoned.”

He would miss out on being with her. Miss out on game nights and watching shows together. Playing pranks and laughing.

Miss out on the bitter arguments. The one’s that made him hate himself because he could not hate her.

It would be better to stay in here.

“That’s it. Dipper, I’m going to shoot the worm. When it untangles, run.” Great Uncle Ford. Would he actually fire at him?

There was a blasting noise and the entire worm shook. The worm curled around him tighter. Great Uncle Ford was going to stop Bill. He was going to kill Dipper.

He wished he had time to say goodbye.

But there was no second blast. Grunkle Stan was yelling something. “-wrong with you? You could hit Dipper! And even if you didn’t, he knows you tried. I thought you were the smart one.”

The two of them were arguing now. Dipper had caused an argument. He had managed to ruin their relationship. All the effort they went through to reconnect, gone because Dipper could not control his emotions.

Dipper bit his lip and turned towards the worm on a string’s head. “Could you open up slightly? I want to talk to Mabel. I need to apologize.”

The worm shifted to make a gap. Mabel looked at him and opened her mouth. He held up his hand to stop her. “Let me do this. I make the world a worse place to live in. Go, move on and live your life without me holding you back.”

“If you want me to leave you, I will. If you ever want to talk, I will be here.”

This was what he had asked for. So why did it hurt? Why did she expect him to go to her? He could not talk to her about this. How was he supposed to look her in the eye and tell Mabel that he was hurting because of her? Because after their promise to face the problems of the world together, she left him. They went home and she was the only one he could talk to about what happened. But she did not.

She never acknowledged Weirdmaggedon. Dipper followed her lead. But she started talking to other people about it. She dealt with her issues and left Dipper behind.

She talked to others about how something was wrong with Dipper. Talked to other people about how he was drowning but did not offer a life preserver.

And now she reached out. After it was too late.

“Because I care about you.” She was still talking. Why was she still talking? “I will always care about you. You don’t need to prove that you deserve happiness. You’re allowed to be happy. Even if it feels like everything is burning around you, there are little things to be happy about. The colour of the sky or a wild new conspiracy.”

He could not see the sky or check his blogs from within the worm. He placed a hand on its snout. It seemed to understand, unravelling so that Dipper could look at his sister.

“You saved me from a perfect dreamworld. Let me help you escape the nightmare you’re living in.” She opened up her arms. “Awkward sibling hug?”

And everything was still wrong. Still very wrong. But he wanted to believe it could be okay. He could not get his voice to work, so he nodded. Mabel approached, cautiously. The worm moved aside enough for her to reach him, and she engulfed him in her arms. He slowly returned the hug and held on as tight as he could. He was exhausted. He had no idea how long they stayed there. A few moments or a few hours. He did not want it to end.

Great Uncle Ford charged his ray gun. He was going to destroy the worm on a string. For doing what Dipper wanted. Ford would hurt Dipper if he knew what he wanted.

The worm had not done anything to hurt them. Dipper had. “Stop-”

Ford fired.

The beam hit a pink bubble instead of the worm. Steven glared at Ford. “This isn’t something you can shoot to make go away. Dipper needs to deal with this.”

Dipper could not deal with this. He did not have the strength. Not right now. He shut his eyes and pressed himself against Mabel.

Grunkle Stan picked him and Mabel up. “How about we all head inside. It’s not going anywhere. We can deal with it in the morning.”

If they put it off now, Dipper would be unable to do anything in the morning. He wanted to have a nap. A long nap.

“Wait. Put… put me down.” He could barely stand, but he walked over to the worm. “Thank you. For being there and for protecting me. It was nice to be able to talk to you. But you’re alive because of a gem shard. You need to leave so you can be whole again.”

The worm shook its head from side to side. It’s lifted its tail and placed it on Dipper’s chest. Over his heart.

“You know,” Steven said. “Yellow is usually able to repair shattered gems, even if some of the pieces are missing. If Carnelian is okay with it, and the shard wants to stay with you, there’s no reason it can’t.”

“It’s a bit big to fit inside.” Ford adjusted a knob on the ray gun. “This should help.” He fired. 

Dipper flinched. The beam hit the worm and it vanished. “What did you do?”

“Return it to its original size.” He walked around for a moment, then bent down and picked up a regular sized worm on a string. “Now you can keep it with you.”

Later that day, Dipper felt horrified by himself. He had opened up about how he felt. And sure, everyone acted like it was fine, but they were probably faking so that he would not feel bad. Pretending it was okay and that they were willing to accept them, when all they actually felt was disgust. He should not have said anything. He lifted his hat and took the worm on a string off his head. Mabel was sewing a pocket on the inside of his vest for it to live in.

Steven walked into the room. “Can we talk?”

Dipper did not want to talk. With anyone. But he agreed. Steven lead him outside, and they sat down on the porch steps. The sun was setting.

“Yellow healed the Carnelian. She says if her shard is making a creature of Earth happy then that’s all that matters.”

The worm on a string nuzzled his hand. He felt the ghost of a smile on his lips.

Steven took a deep breath. “I once had something like this happen, but afterwards I pushed everyone away. I kept trying to deal with it on my own. Tried to keep people away so I wouldn’t hurt them. It didn’t work. Instead, I convinced myself that my inability to cope made me a monster. Remember that kaiju you asked me about? I nearly didn’t turn back.”

Steven was doing better now. Was the same possible for him?

Steven put a hand on his arm. “Your family is here to support you, and so am I. Have you ever considered going to therapy?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an emotional support worm on a string? don’t mind if I do
> 
> it’s crazy to think that this is almost over. the fic has been building up to this for such a long time. it’s been a crazy journey and now it’s coming to an end. i want to thank all of you for being so supportive and reading this. it means so much.
> 
> think of something you can be happy about right now. take a moment to cherish it.


	19. Being...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper gets Therapy 2020

Grunkle Stan already had a list of potential therapists. He helped Dipper choose, then booked him an appointment. It was in a few days. Dipper tried to hide his nervousness.

It did not take long to rebuild the attic. They had done construction on the Shack during and after Weirdmaggedon, so they knew what they were doing. And it was something to do, something to focus on. Even if it was his fault that it had been destroyed. Because he was weak and could not keep his emotions in check.

Abuleita brought them Cheese Boodles, Burrito Bites, and Pitt Cola during their breaks. Dipper’s favourites. He tried to enjoy them.

Mabel gave him back his vest. He put it on and went to put the worm on a string in the new pocket. He paused. The pocket was knit, and Mabel had included a design on it. An owl.

“Owl be there for you if you need me.”

It was harder for Dipper to get away from people. Just when he thought he was alone and able to relax; someone would show up and start talking to him. He understood their concern, but also needed some room to breathe. Why could they not understand that? Why did they feel the need to stay with him?

Because they were afraid of him. And afraid of what he might do. They acted like they cared, but Bill was still inside of him. He had still hurt people. They would be better off without him.

Steven interrupted his spiralling and suggested a movie night. They watched the entire Dogcopter series. Dipper was engrossed by the action and explosions. Mabel cried during the proposal. Dipper did a little too. It was fitting that after all the battles he had fought, that Dogcopter got to be happy.

Grunkle Stan was the one who drove Dipper to the appointment. It was about twenty minutes out of town. A few other people from Gravity Falls went there, which meant although they had not experienced it themselves, the therapist knew about Weirdmaggedon.

There was a lot of paperwork that had to be dealt with. When the therapist said what the price of each session would be, Dipper’s stomach clenched. It seemed like more than he was worth. But he said nothing. They ended up scheduling an appointment every Monday and Thursday. Dipper tried not to think about how much this would cost.

They were driving back to the Shack and talking about the heat of different chilli peppers. They lapsed into silence for a while, then Stan spoke up.

“Listen kid, you know how I am about money. And you are worth every cent.”

Summerween. 

Ford set up an elaborate system of creepy lights and music around the Shack. Stan terrified the children brave enough to reach the door. Dipper and Mabel dressed up as a flower and a bee. The worm on a string posed as a caterpillar on one of his leaves. Hopefully without the threat of the Summerween Trickster hanging over them, he would be able to enjoy trick-or-treating.

When people started to put out their jack-o’-melons, Dipper fought a rising panic. Mabel squeezed his hand. “I think we have enough candy. Let’s go back.”

They did. And the Trickster did not appear.

Everyone gathered in the living room and Mabel held a flashlight beneath her chin. “Let’s tell ghost stories. I’ll go first. Back in Piedmont…”

As Mabel continued the story, Dipper went to get the jack-o’-melon from the porch. He came back and put it down beside him.

“…cold. Which is why you never pass Dear Jennie’s grave without leaving a gift.”

Soos shuddered. “That’s creepy man.”

“How about this one,” Gunkel Stan said. “I heard about it back when I was still traveling. There is a cavern, a chasm, where nothing grows. As if the Earth itself is dead. The walls are lined with holes, evenly placed. There are giant machines that look like viruses. And if you happen to visit and are very unlucky, you will see a purple ghost that tells you to leave their home alone.”

Steven started to laugh. “If luck has something to do with seeing that ghost then I have none. She helped raise me.”

Mabel leapt off the ground. “You were raised by ghosts?”

“No. But that place sounds like the Kindergarten, where Amethyst was made. She goes back to visit sometimes.”

“Well that’s disappointing. Does Beach City have any good ghost stories?”

They continued to tell stories and then watched a horror movie. It was well past midnight when they went to bed.

Dipper kept the jack-o’-melon lit all night. Just in case.

It took a few sessions before he started to open up about what he had been through. Once he started, it was easier to talk. And the worm on a string was pressing into his palm the entire time, a point to focus on and keep him from being lost in the memories.

When his therapist said he probably had PTSD it felt like a dream. They explained the symptoms and it was like everything fell into place. It seemed like such an extreme description, but it also felt right.

It was strange to have a word to describe what he was going through. It was liberating.

Great Uncle Ford managed to find a copy of Diggity Dungeons & All That. The art style and premise were different from the version they used to play, but perhaps that was the point.

They managed to set up a game and got everyone involved. Waddles won.

Steven introduced Dipper to Sadie and Shep’s music. It was different from Babba, but he liked it anyways. It was simple, but powerful.

Maybe one day he would be able to start looking forward.

They were out shopping, and everything was loud, loud, loud, and the lights were to bright and he just needed out and he could not breathe.

He pulled out his worm on a string and it wove through his fingers.

“Look at this loser, playing with a dumb toy.” Dipper had no idea who the person speaking was. It did not matter. They were right. Dipper was dumb and useless and a waste of effort.

Mabel punched the person and lead Dipper to the car. Soos took them out for ice cream.

Life at the Mystery Shack fell into a rhythm. Joking, laughing, enjoying themselves. At one point, Dipper caught Wendy staring at him.

“Is everything okay?”

“This is the most I’ve seen you smile this summer man.”

Dipper froze. He had been smiling and not even noticed. It felt like forever since it did not hurt to smile, having his mouth turned upwards made his muscles ache. But they did not hurt now.

He was starting to smile naturally again. He was getting better. 

Dipper did not feel fully comfortable, not yet. But he did feel at home. And that was enough for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so much for that upload schedule…
> 
> i could pretend that i purposely delayed this so it would be uploaded on summerween or be honest about the fact that i ended up taking a few days off to just relax. Self-care.
> 
> there’s only one chapter left. which is nuts. it is seriously almost over. expect the final chapter sometime in the next week.
> 
> also this fic has [art](https://insanityplushtrap.tumblr.com/post/621152068665769984/its-almost-3-am-and-my-mind-decided-hey-this-is) now????? what the hell.


	20. Being Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s over, isn’t it

“What other people have gone through does not take away from your trauma.”

“But it was my fault. I caused people to be hurt. I hurt people. Everything that happened with Bill is my fault.”

“What makes it your fault?”

“If I had been better it wouldn’t have happened. If I hadn’t confronted Bill the Journals would still be here. I could have stopped Mabel from running off with the rift and then Weirdmaggedon never would have happened. If I had not been so desperate for answers, I would have not let Bill possess me, and he wouldn’t still be alive in my head.”

“Your Uncle Ford could have not built the portal.”

“But Bill manipulated him into doing that.”

“And Bill manipulated you.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“Because it’s me.”

“Why should you be held to a different standard.”

Dipper did not know how to respond to that. He thought about it the entire drive back to the Mystery Shack. How could it be his fault and not anyone else’s?

It could not.

Dipper and Mabel were hanging out in the Mystery Shack giftshop with Steven and Wendy. Soos came in from outside. Steven turned towards him. “Could I have tomorrow off?”

“Sure dude. What for?”

“I’m going to try and go back to Beach City for my birthday.”

“Birthday! Why is this the first I’m hearing of this?” Mabel was indignant.

Steven shrugged. “Guess I forgot to mention it.”

“How are you going to get to Beach City?”

“Yeah man, aren’t you trapped here?”

“I think we found a way out. Connie and Lion will teleport just outside the Gravity Fall’s bubble. I’ll bubble myself and Connie will send it to Beach City. We’re not sure if I’ll end up in the Temple or at her house but it should be fine either way. Then Connie and Lion teleport back. I spend the day and Lion teleports me back after.”

“Sounds good. Let me know if you’re gonna be late getting back.”

A group of kids were surrounding one of the statues. Steven excused himself to go talk with them. Mabel grinned. “We are so throwing a surprise party for when he gets back.”

“Surprise!”

Steven flinched, just slightly. Of course, he would be startled by a surprise party. He had every reason to fear loud noises and being startled. It probably meant he was going to be attacked. And Dipper had not realized. He should have realized, should have stopped Mabel, should have warned Steven so he knew what was coming.

But Steven was smiling now, and he did not look hurt. He seemed happy.

Dipper could have interfered. He did not. But everyone was happy and there had been no damage.

It was the last week of summer. Dipper was helping Mabel plan their birthday party. It had been a year since Weirdmaggedon.

The citizens of Gravity Falls were on edge. Most of them were staying inside their homes.

Because they had been hurt by Weirdmaggedon. Because they had been hurt by Dipper.

No.

Because they had been hurt by Bill.

Mabel, Dipper, and Steven were watching Ducktective reruns and eating lunch. Their birthday was tomorrow. Summer was over. Dipper had managed to organize video chat sessions with his therapist for when he was back in California. They were almost finished packing. Everything was ending.

A commercial break started, and Steven spoke up. “So, I guess you two are leaving soon.”

“Yeah. But we’ll be back next summer.” Mabel scratched Waddles behind the ear. “What are you going to do?”

“I figured I would stay till the end of tourist season. Then I’ll probably start up the road trip again. I could swing by and see you guys when I’m in the area. Finish my tour of all the states. And then… who knows.”

Everyone was moving forward with their lives. Last he had heard, their Grunkles were discussing sailing the Stan o’ War II across the country as best they could, using a trailer when necessary, and meeting up with Steven in Beach City. But no plans had been finalized. He and Mabel were going back to California, where things were normal, and things were wrong. The past year had been difficult, and Dipper did not know how leaving Gravity Falls was going to affect his mental state.

Maybe getting away would be good for him. Or maybe he would get worse.

Dipper could feel himself starting to spiral. The worm on a string was running through his fingers, comforting him. He managed to work himself down from a panic to unease.

Mabel elbowed him. He looked up at the television. His favourite episode was starting. He watched it and tried to ignore his fears.

It was Dipper and Mabel’s last night in Gravity Falls. They were illegally setting off fireworks, some stolen and some of Great Uncle Ford’s creation. Grunkle Stan was wearing his new Goodbye Grunkle Stan sweater over top of his old one. Great Uncle Ford was trying to keep him hydrated.

Dipper looked at the scene before him, tried to sear it into his memories. Mabel was lighting another firework. Waddles was racing around, the worm on a string perched on his head. Soos was frying up some burgers. Stand and Ford were bickering about heatstroke. Abuelita was watching the chaos from her rocking chair.

Dipper smiled.

“Time to eat dudes.”

Dipper and Mabel got on the bus and waved goodbye.

He had known he needed to address the demon plaguing his mind eventually. And he felt ready. He was sitting on his bed. His parents were downstairs doing something. Mabel was on standby, ready to come if he called. The worm on a string was curled in his lap. He took a finger and stroked it.

He could do this.

Dipper shut his eyes and thought about his irrational behaviour. No. Rational. He thought about his behaviour that had been shaped by his trauma. The panic attacks. The flinching. The mood swings and distrust. The sense of unease he would feel for no obvious reason.

“Bill. I need to talk to you.” Dipper did not know if this would work. If he really wanted it to. But he needed to face the demon.

“Hey Pine Tree.” Dipper was not ready for this. Calling on Bill was a mistake. “How’s it going? How’s therapy? Can’t be making much progress if you want to talk with me.”

Dipper opened an eye for a moment to make sure Bill was not in the room. He was not. This was a conversation taking place in his mind. “I don’t want to talk with you. I’m going to talk, and you are going to listen. Because I am done letting you haunt me.”

Bill laughed. “You can’t stop me. Don’t you get it Pine Tree? No matter what you do, there will always be a demon inside of you, waiting to come out. One day, you will realize this and give me control. And then you’ll be free.”

“It would be a lie to say you only have as much control as I give you. Because if it were up to me you would have no control. But you do. You can make me panic and hate myself. And I can’t stop you.”

“Now you’re getting it. So why resist. Just give in. I don’t have to be inside you. You could be rid of me. All you have to do is make a deal. Free me and help tear everything to the ground.”

“I’m stuck with you. And that’s okay.”

“Okay? Then it’s a deal.”

Dipper flinched. “No. This isn’t partnership of forgiveness or friendship or anything like that. This is me being ready to move forward. This is acceptance. You hurt me and that will always be a part of who I am. I will have to deal with you for the rest of my life. But that’s okay. I can still be Dipper, still be myself, with you inside my mind.”

Bill did not reply.

Dipper opened his eyes and looked around the room. Nothing about it had changed. But he felt refreshed.

The worm on a string looked up at him. Dipper picked it up in his palm and held it up. It nuzzled his face.

Dipper’s phone buzzed. A text from Steven saying he should arrive within the hour and asking where they wanted to meet up. Dipper replied and got to his feet.

He was not the Dipper Pines he used to be. He had changed and he had suffered and he had survived. A year ago, Dipper would not have been able to imagine feeling this content. He had been focusing on getting through the day. But he was ready to look forward and see what the future held.

There were endless possibilities and not all of them were bad.

A lot of them were good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now it’s over.
> 
> crazy.
> 
> keep an eye out for future works. i have a few ideas that i've been thinking about. but first i’m looking forward to getting to read all the other fics for this crossover now that i’m done writing mine.
> 
> i never expected the reaction you guys had to the story. thank you all so much for reading and supporting this fic. whether it was getting kudos, comments, or seeing the hit counter go up, it has been inspiring and helped me to create this. thank you.
> 
> practice self-care. you are more than the demons that plague you. you are a person, and you are enough. i love you all.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I have practically sold my soul to the Steven Universe winds up in Gravity Falls au. If you’re here, odds are you have too. Hope you enjoy and feel free to come yell at me on Tumblr [@ghostjellyfishheart](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/ghostjellyfishheart)


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